Remember When

Remember when things were simple, and life just seemed to BE. 

As I am sitting here at my crafty desk working on the album for the Boutique, I have music playing in the background. Not really paying attention to it, but my spirit is. 

I'm focused on the album, placing the things on each page to finish it.  It's all about the details...

I've thought about grandparents today. My parents. My cousins. My siblings. My nieces and nephews. I've thought about grandchildren. My three grown children and each one of my friends. Thinking about each one of these people and wondering how they were. (there are many by the way). I've wondered many times how each one of them was.  Many I have not heard from in days, weeks, months, and even years...

Remember when the phone would ring asking if you wanted to grab a coke, sit and visit? Where did those days go...?

Remember when mothers and daughters would have a leisure day getting their pedicures and manicures done while sitting and conversing with each other. Catching up with each other's life. Where did those days go...?

Fathers would take their sons to the golf course, or the fishing pond. Lessons learned. Where did those days go...?

Remember when grandpa would say, c'mon...let's take a ride on the tractor? I remember my granddad well. He is in my thoughts daily. He was my mom's stepdad. He and my granny (mom's mother) raised me until their deaths in the '70s. 

I don't remember riding on the tractor with granddad, but I do remember him drinking a large glass of tea in a metal bright colored glass with a long skinny spoon and mounds of sugar sitting at the bottom of the glass. He would stir it and stir it and stir it until the sugar dissolved. (I think that is why today, I can't stand sweet tea). His WAS sweet, sweet, sweet! 

Remember when...

As I was working on the two pages above, finishing up the details, I noticed the quote I put on one page and then the other expression on the opposite side of the page. 

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LIVE IN THE MOMENT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GRATITUDE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I am crafting, I am in the zone with the music playing, I am cutting, gluing, pulling this, and putting that. Grabbing this item and looking for that! I AM completely oblivious to everything and anyone around me. I can do this for hours on end and not even realize it. 

I didn't pay attention when I placed the two words on these pages, but today they jumped out at me like a ton of bricks. "LIVE IN THE MOMENT". What does that mean? Remember when life was simple. Where did that go? Life seems complex at times today...

Living in the moment these days is a constant battle of struggling with this or juggling that. Dealing with this and putting that on the back burner. Living in the moment today means we wear our masks when we go out in public. We distance ourselves at least six feet from the next person. Living in the moment today means, we don't have friends over for cookouts or other family members for a festive time of food and laughter. Living in the moment today means wondering if we'll have money to pay a bill or put food on the table. Living in the moment today, means will there be money for necessities such as medications or treatments if needed. 

Living in the moment means I must draw closer to my Heavenly Father. He is the only one who can hold me in the moments of my weakness. 

Living in the moment means I can hold on to God's strength and love when everything around me is in disarray. He holds onto me when I'm in a dark place. He holds onto me when things go crazy around me. He holds onto me when I am walking with my head held high. God is my constant...

Living in the moment. I remember when nothing affected me. I was a child. I spoke as a child, I acted like a child. I played outside. I was on the go all the time. Nothing mattered. Time didn't stop to remember what life would be like 40 years later.  

Living in the Moment. Remembering when my granny and granddad would take me to church. He would throw me up on his shoulders and we would walk down the long hallways. He stood over 6 ft. tall. I thought I could touch the clouds when I was riding on his shoulders... I miss my grandparents. Granny Inez and Granddad. My life was never the same after their deaths. I'm thankful they took me when I easily could have become an orphan. Remember when. 

The second word is GRATITUDE. 

I am eternally grateful for the time I had with my grandparents. They instilled values into my inner soul. They showed me, love. They showed me kindness.  They showed me firmness with a stern voice occasionally. They protected me. They provided for me. They cared for me and my well-being. Had it not been for my granny Inez and Grandad, no telling where I'd be today...REMEMBER WHEN.

That's me with them...I lived with them until I was 10 years old. Granny Inez passed away in April 1971 and Grandad passed away in November 1972. My birthday was in October. Living in the moment, remembering when...life was so simple. Was it really? I'm sure life had its ups and downs with this and that, but I was oblivious. I was protected from it all. Granny passed with Coronary Occlusion and Granddad with Colon Cancer. He was her second husband...remember when.

  

The simple things...being loved. Being cared for. Trusting others to provide for all our wants, needs, and desires. Remember when...life was so simple. 

Gratitude. What are you thankful for today? Breath, a job, food on the table, or possibly family and friends? Could it be, we are thankful for it all? As I sit here and think about this word...I remember when there was a time in my life gratitude didn't exist in my world. I was so angry at the world. At people. At family. At friends.  AT SELF. Remember when. 

I remember when the pieces were broken all around me...and the only way I could move forward was by laying it all down at the cross. Gratitude encompasses many things...

grat·i·tude

noun

1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Let me pose a question to you...when was the last time you stopped and thought about all you are thankful for? A few years back, I made a Gratitude Journal. It consisted of 365 days of things I was thankful for. Remember when. 

I am going to challenge you today to stop what you are doing and write down 3 things you are grateful for.  Can you do that for me? If you can, I'd love to hear what you are grateful for. If you can't, why not? Are you carrying hurts, unforgiveness, doubt, or fear? Are you feeling hopeless because living in the moment has become exhausting? 

There were times that a specific day only had one word on the page in my Gratitude Journal. Living in the moment...

Sometimes, being grateful and being able to express that gratitude takes a great deal of energy. I would encourage you to be grateful because you want to be, NOT because someone expects it. 

Gratitude...

For me, not only does the word GRATITUDE means being thankful, but it also gives me HOPE.

Gratitude offers me an expectation that I WILL be thankful and appreciative of something each day. For instance, I am thankful that I woke up today. I am thankful that I have breath in my body. I am thankful that I am a wife. I am thankful that I am a mother and a grandmother (regardless of what life has thrown at me). I am thankful that I can create beautiful crafts. I am thankful I am living. I am thankful I can listen to the birds singing. I am thankful I can play with our fur baby. I am thankful I can forgive others AND myself. I am thankful that my sins have been washed away and that my past doesn't dictate my future. I am thankful for change. I am thankful for resolutions. Even if they are not on my terms...

Gratitude means I will stand tall. I can give to others regardless of anything received in return. That is NOT the expectation. Gratitude is from our heart. COMPLETELY...with no reservations. 

Gratitude is not entitlement...it is something that I can extend to another human being or better yet, to myself.  I am GRATEFUL for life...I am GRATEFUL that I CAN live in the moment of today. 

Remembering when living in the moment was carefree and nothing else mattered. 

Remembering when no matter what, I stood tall with my head held high just living in the moment. 

GRATITUDE...no matter what!

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Throwback Thursday - The IHOP Girls

 

My beautiful friends and I in El Paso, Texas...2016.

Once Again Time Moved On Without Me

March 4, 2021 - already? The last thing I remember is it being Valentine's weekend. Then the Polar Vortex came through the state of Texas! 

We lost power, had to boil our water, cook around small pockets of time when we did have electricity. Slept all bundled up with layers of blankets over our heads in hopes of staying warm. 

Remember my posts a few weeks back when I was discussing survival tips and what you would do when the need arose? Well, we had to reach into that bag of tricks and use a few of those tips I shared with you. They were our saving grace…

Flashlights twinkling through the house when the sun and the light should have been shining brightly. (Thank goodness I had batteries!)

Playing dice at the kitchen table with our youngest daughter and her husband by the twinkling of the same flashlights. What an experience it was...

I couldn't finish the Ultimate Blog Challenge as I had set out to do on February 1st. I'm bummed about that just a little bit...there will be others I'm sure. I'm not sweating it...

A few months back I was told about a small Boutique in a town near where I live. It's called The Hangout Gift Shop & More. They have unique, handmade things in there for sale. I told the individual who had told me about it I would check it out...time-lapsed and I just recently was able to swing by with a friend of mine, Glenda Cates of The Mommies Review.  I met the owner and asked a few questions. We looked around and we left.

Since my initial visit, I have been tossing around if I wanted to commit to doing something like once again. You see, I have tried my hands at Craft Shows and honestly, it's more trouble and more money out of my pocket than I earned at the show. I have sold more of my crafty creations by word of mouth than I did at these craft shows. Should I commit or should I not? That is the question at hand. 

I told my daughter about the opportunity and she said, 'do what you want mom - I know you enjoy crafting". Still tossing the possibility around I buzzed my daughter on Tuesday of this week and asked her if she would go with me to check out the shop. I wanted her to see what I was considering...she obliged me and tagged along. Well, she drove us since she has the car seat in her car for my grandson! LOL

Visiting with the Owner again, I decided that I would place a few things in The Hangout. We left. As soon as I got home, my mind was going all over the place...I can make this, I can make that. I need to do this, and I need to do that! Oh yea, did I say this would even play into my blogging journey? Just think about all the other vendors in that little shop I could do shoutouts for!!! 

I'm so glad my crafting mojo has finally begun to make me happy again...it's been two years of hard-fought tears of trying to find my happy place again with it. Why you ask? LIFE. Marriage. STUFF! Thank goodness I know about Self-care, Coping Tools, and enough gumption to push through it all. Prayer also helped me muddle through the daily ups and downs with time moving on without me. 

This week, I have started another album. I am going to make five of these from different paper themes. I will also make a few legal pad holders, some Mother's Day Loaded Envelopes and a few other goodies. I will blog about this experience as I walk through it...I'm excited about that, to say the least. Who knows, one of these days I may even venture out and do a few videos of my own. It's not like I haven't been asked to do them... :-)

Since I started blogging in January 2020, I have been trying to juggle the nuances of the ins and outs of blogging. Some of that has been trying to find my niche and being comfortable with it. If you have followed my blogs any over the course of the last year, you will see I write about Crafting, Genealogy, In the Kitchen, Life's Journey, Reviews, and from to time a Give-A Way. 

I would be lying if I said it has come easy to me. It hasn't. I constantly question if I'm sharing topics that others find interesting or if they are just for my own personal gain. You know, CONFIDENCE building!!!?? I'm sure I have many flaws in my writings and the way I do things, but these are my thoughts, and I can only do me. So, I will stay in the arena that I have lived experiences with and expertise. Thank you for rooting me on...I appreciate it VERY much!!! I enjoy reading all the comments that are left on my blog posts. Do you ever see my responses when I reply to them? 

I am going to be juggling time to get these creations made in between watching the little guy for my daughter, and days that my health seems to be acting up. This week has been the norm for sure. Here we are on Thursday and I've had three horrific days of low energy. Thank you, Thyroid Disease, - for me being told the latter part of 2013 that Thyroid Cancer would be the easiest to live with, it has NOT been in any way shape, or form. I had surgery for cancer in January of 2014 and here we are in March of 2021. Still, I live with the challenges of the disease daily. UGH....anyway. 

I need to get off here as the little guy will be coming over soon. (It's my day to watch him while my daughter edits weddings). She is a professional Wedding Photographer. I have a new album sitting on my desk that I started yesterday. I'm still in the early stages of it...but here is a sneak peek. 

I refuse to let time move on without me today...how about you? What does your day look like? 

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Crafting and Junk Journal Pages - day 14 UBC

It's day 14 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Today is also Valentine's Day...with the family visiting, we put a pot of chili on the stove and I made a batch of cornbread in one of our cast iron skillets. 

Our youngest grandson turned 1 on Friday. We had his "Out of This World" birthday party on Saturday. It was freezing cold outside and today, we have snow. It's still coming down. 

Snow is a rare thing in the Dallas/Ft Worth, Texas area. We normally get the massive ice storms...I'll take snow any day though over the ice. The kids took the little guy out to experience the snow for the first time. He wasn't sure about it...they had him all bundled up his nice, thick coat, stocking hat, gloves made out of socks. They only lasted about 5-7 minutes. My son-in-law told my husband, "I don't see how you played in the snow for hours on end back in the day". LOL - - we all laughed and he and I both said, "We just did"...

After sitting with my grandson, a bit ago while he ate, I snuck off to my crafting room to get some crafting time in for a few minutes and write up today's blog for the Challenge. 

Looking around my room, thinking to myself if I wanted to craft or look at my family tree, I remembered that the current Junk Journal (JJ) that I have been working on now since Christmas was setting on the back desk. Two weeks ago, I got tired of seeing everything out in my room, so I put things away that I had been using. A tub of scrap ribbons. A tub of vintage embellishments. A tub of bling and pearls. A tub of lace and trims. A box of assorted napkins. Get the picture? These things were all over my room near my desk. I get a kick out of my husband when he comes into my space...his first comment is, 'where's the floor"?! I just laugh. 

I'm almost finished with this Junk Journal. But for some weird reason, the last signature always takes me forever...for those of you who craft, do you have that trouble? 

Looking through the pages I have already completed, I saw a few things I want to go back and add a thing or two here and there, but I'll do that once I finish the last signature. I also need to figure out the closure and complete the cover. My journal is thicker than I intended it to be, so another closure is going to have to be added. I have a few ideas swirling around in my thoughts. 

I just finished this page...there is no rhyme or reason to it...just a painted page with what little paint I had left on the plate. Do you see a flower? An apple? I found this to be inspirational to me, so I added the word, "INSPIRE". If the recipient wanted to journal on this page, there is still room for them to do so. 

I hear my grandson coming down the hall looking for Nonnie. He loves Nonnie's craft room. I don't let him in here much though because there are too many things that don't mix with small, curious hands. When he does come in here, I usually set things to the side and put him on my lap. We draw his hands...I have been doing this since he was a few days old. I have a year's worth of his little hands. (They are going to be a gift for his mommy one of these days...another project for another day). I always draw them right around the day he was born each month. A few of them, I have traced my hands too around his little hands. I think it would be neat for his mom to get in on the project, but she is never too keen on my ideas...LOL - guess that's why I'm the creative one in the family! <3

My handsome would like my attention, so I'm going to go for now...until tomorrow. 

What has been your inspiration today? 

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Practicing Personal Self Care with a Busy Life - day 13 UBC

When I was able to work, there were days I burned the candle at both ends (figuratively speaking) in order to get everything accomplished in a day's time done.

Not only did I have a full-time job working 8 - 10-hour days, but I was a mom of three children, a wife, and I also had other obligations outside of the home. (i.e., boards, Praise Team, Bible Study, and PTA just to name a few). Below are pictures of my three children and me. The bottom photo also has my mom in it and my #2 child. These were taken between 1984 and 1994.

Many nights, I'd be washing clothes at midnight, vacuuming the house after the kids were put down for bed, and ensuring the kitchen was cleaned up before settling down for the night myself. The next morning, the cycle started all over again.... get up two hours before everyone else in the house did, take a shower, get my makeup on, and fix my hair. I'd then prepare breakfasts, lunches (if needed), and then wake up the three kids ranging in age from 10 - 2 years old. 

I'd get them ready for school, pack their lunches, make sure they had something to eat for breakfast, and out the door, we went...there was no time for self-care. I was caring for three little people and their needs. My needs always took a back seat to everyone else. Can you relate? I could have used some self-care tips back in the day, trust me! I should have learned that two-letter word NO many years ago! 

By the time I arrived at work, I was exhausted from the hectic schedule I maintained with little sleep most days. Now mind you, my kids are grown and have families of their own. I'm no longer working - - but there are days I feel like I still burn the candle at both ends with little to no sleep. I can thank my health for this today. There is a difference today though, I've learned how to ask for help if I need it with the housework and preparing the meals. There are even days I just don't do anything. I can't...and I don't! 

Trying to balance personal self-care with the busy life I led seemed almost impossible to my family, but I did it. Day in and day out...no, this wasn't and isn't healthy. Burn out was setting in. Frustration was setting in. Days were beginning to run into the next and I began getting sick...

I needed to balance my busy life, but how? Back in the day, for several years, I was a single mom (the middle photo above, I was a single mom with a newborn baby and two older children) - I didn't have the luxury of having a partner to assist with the housework, the cooking, the financial assistance, etc. I just had to figure it out. Like I mentioned above, self-care wasn't even in the equation other than the morning routine of showering (and in most days, that was rushed) out of necessity. 

I had routines. These were necessary to keep my life in check and keep me sane...but at times, even the routines were difficult to manage. But I did it...when I think back to how life was back in the day; I'm amazed I accomplished all the things I did. But guess what...I did it! Sure, I could have done things differently now that I think about them, but then - I just had to manage and manage I did. 

Do you have a busy life? If so, how do you balancing it all? 

Continue reading along to learn how to tweak a few things in your life to balance personal self-care with your busy life. 

How to Balance Practicing Personal Self Care with a Busy Life

One of the most difficult challenges a lot of people face with self-care is finding the time to fit it in. When you live a busy lifestyle, it can seem almost impossible to find extra time to look after you.

So, how can you balance practicing self-care with a busy lifestyle? Here, you’ll discover some great tips you can follow.

Schedule it in

A good tip you can follow to ensure you can fit self-care into your busy routine is to schedule it in. Think about it, you schedule in everything else, so why not self-care? When you set a time to focus on yourself, you are much more likely to stick to it. No matter how busy you think you are, there will always be time for self-care somewhere in your schedule.

Establish a morning routine

If you are struggling to find the best time of day to practice self-care, you might find it easier in the morning. If you’re a busy parent, you might disagree here but think about it. In the morning, you could get up just 30 minutes earlier, or 15 minutes if you want. This can be the perfect opportunity to practice self-care.

Alternatively, if you are a parent you could focus on self-care in the evenings when the kids have gone to bed. It doesn’t take long to practice self-care so you should always be able to squeeze it in somewhere.

Look at automating daily tasks

There are all kinds of tools and gadgets that can automate various aspects of our lives. If you are constantly busy, you’ll find automating certain tasks can be a game-changer.

For example, you could switch from going to the grocery store, to ordering groceries online. If you have items you frequently purchase, these can be added to your favorites list, making it easier to add them to your order next time. Doing your grocery shopping online can free up a lot of free time during the week that can be used on self-care.

Start small

You don’t have to start by completely overhauling your lifestyle. Instead, you can start small with self-care. Begin by taking just 10 minutes out of each day to focus on a self-care activity. Focus on developing one positive self-care habit at a time. Once you have mastered that, you can move on to the next task.

By starting small, it makes it easier to fit self-care into your busy life. Many people mistakenly think they need to begin with at least 30 minutes a day. The truth is, however, much time you can free up for self-care is enough. Once you get started, you’ll find it easier to start focusing more on self-care due to the benefits you experience.

Overall, balancing practicing self-care with a busy lifestyle isn’t easy. However, the tips above can really help. You’ll find a lot of tips online too from busy people just like you. Remember, self-care is essential to your health and wellbeing. So, no matter how busy you are, you should always try and make time for self-care daily.

Now that I have given you the equation of how to balance personal self-care with a busy life, what is the first thing you are going to change? Do you feel you would be able to manage life better if you were able to implement a few changes that enhanced balancing your self-care and busy life? 

Drop me a comment and let me know how you could achieve balancing personal self-care in your busy life. 

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Are you Taking Care of Yourself? day 12 UBC

 Why People Fail So Badly at Taking Care of Themselves

Even when you know how important self-care is to your well-being, it isn’t always easy to incorporate it into your daily routine. In fact, do you know many people fail when it comes to taking care of themselves?

Here, we’ll look at why people generally fail when it comes to self-care and the main things holding them back.

It is often perceived as selfish

One of the main reasons people fail to take care of themselves is because they feel it is selfish. It could be that you feel guilty when you take time to focus on yourself. Or, you may worry about what other people think, or that you are a terrible parent for not focusing solely on your children’s needs.

It is a total myth that self-care is selfish. In fact, it can help you to be a better parent, friend, spouse, and relative. The more you take care of yourself, the easier you’ll find it to take care of others. You’ll also show your children the importance of self-care. Teaching them to take care of their own needs is a crucial life skill that’s going to help them to grow up to be happier adults.

It requires effort

There is no getting away from the fact that self-care does take some level of effort in the beginning. When you aren’t used to making self-care a priority, you’re going to need to make quite a few changes to your routine.

Coming up with a self-care plan can feel like a chore, making it easy to put it off. However, there are ways to reduce the effort. For example, focusing on one thing you want to improve at a time can really help. Perhaps you’d like to start working out more? Scheduling time to exercise as soon as you wake up, for example, can be a great start. Or, if you’re looking to drink more water, focus on that goal first.

If you break down your self-care tasks, it makes them much easier, reducing a lot of the effort involved.

Different approaches work for different people

Every one of us is different, which means we enjoy and dislike different things. When you initially look at examples of self-care, you’ll find a lot of them relate to things like reading a book or taking a hot bubble bath. These types of activities aren’t for everyone so they might feel self-care really isn’t for them.

Self-care isn’t just bubble baths, yoga, and meditation. It is anything that relaxes and takes care of you. So, if you find going for a run is a more effective way of feeling good, that would be classed as a self-care task.

If you find one self-care approach isn’t working, try something else. Self-care should be personal to your own needs.

These are the most common reasons people fail to take good care of themselves. It can be difficult overcoming the initial barriers to self-care. However, once you fully understand what and how important it is, you’ll find it much easier to stick to a self-care routine.

How are you taking care of yourself today? 

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Recognizing Change Is Needed - day 11 UBC Challenge

Self-care and Change go hand in hand although it is difficult to do in many instances. When I worked in the Mental Health field, I facilitated support groups and many different conferences for people living with mental health, families, and staff. Among the topics discussed, the importance of Self-Care and Change was always talked about. Let me pose a question to you, how do you implement Self-Care in your life? Does it just happen or is it something you must conscientiously work on? 

It takes courage to put Self-care in the forefront of our lives. It takes courage to change things that are familiar to us as well. Courage is a mindset that all of us hold within ourselves. 

Did you know that Self-care is the practice of doing things for your body, soul, and mind that promotes wellbeing and less stress? Less stress? Promotes a wellbeing. I don't know about you, but I have stressors every single day unless I change the situations around me. I have learned there are good stressors and there are bad. How many of you live with stressors in your life daily? Does the same stress promote your wellbeing? If you said YES that you have stress, then you might need to make some changes to promote wellbeing. 

Thinking about the things that promote my wellbeing, I came up with a list of things that promote my Self-care. Read through the list and let me know if you can relate to any of them. Did any of mine, hit a nerve for you?  

*getting plenty of sleep.

*maintaining boundaries.

*learning and saying "no"

*eating healthy meals.

*removing toxic people from my life.

*be willing to change.

*removing the negativity around me.

*affirming myself daily.

*giving myself grace.

*taking care of my health.

*taking time for me (in other words, having ME time)

*doing things that make me happy.

*communicate my feelings.

*don't bottle things up inside (let those walls down)

*ask for help if needed.

*recognizing change is needed.

*be mindful daily.

*be truthful daily with self and with others.

*have purpose.

*be forgiving and ask for forgiveness if needed.

*don't live in the past.

*don't let the past define who I am.

*don't hold grudges.

*love self and others.

*don't allow judgments of others to define me.

Could you relate to any that I have? Did you have others I didn't list? If so, what were some of them? 

To have Self-care, one needs to recognize that change is needed. Have you ever known anyone who is set in their ways and refuses to change no matter the cost? I have...and it isn't fun. It's like that broken record...I want to change but I'm NOT willing to do anything different. If that is the mindset, then how will the change be achieved? Newsflash - things will never change. You will continue to live in the vicious cycle of going around and around and around, wanting, and expecting different outcomes without doing anything different. It doesn't work like that. To change, things must be different. Plain and Simple. 

The First Step to Change is to Recognize it is Needed.

If you’re struggling to make healthier changes in your life, it could be that you’re not convinced a change is needed. Many of us are also great at avoiding change. It tends to be something we dread, rather than look forward to.

However, if you want to live your best life, it’s imperative you recognize when a change is needed. So, how exactly can you recognize that change is needed in your life? Below, you’ll discover some of the common signs to look out for.

You feel lost or stuck in life.

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and you have lost your purpose? This is a sure sign that a change is needed. Everyone has a purpose, but it isn’t always easy to identify it. Also, your purpose can change as you get older and go through life’s experiences. So, if you feel like your life isn’t your own anymore, it’s time to make a change.

Your mood is consistently flat.

Another sign change is needed is if you find your mood is constantly flat. That is, you don’t really enjoy anything anymore. You don’t have to feel depressed to make a change, simply feeling constantly flat is another indicator your life isn’t satisfying.

Think about the things that used to make you feel good. It could be that you once enjoyed your career. If you now don’t like your job, it’s a sign you need to make a change to get back to feeling that initial excitement.

You suffer with poor self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can develop for a lot of different reasons. However, it tends to be more prevalent in those who don’t take care of themselves. If you lack self-care, you may criticize yourself more or feel like you aren’t worth much.

Over time, poor self-esteem can lead you to feel like you don’t deserve good things in life. This in turn can cause you to give up trying to be happy. If you suffer with poor self-esteem, it is a good sign you need a change.

You have very little energy.

Having little energy throughout the day could be a sign of poor sleep. However, it can also relate to a deeper issue if you are constantly tired. It may mean that you have lost your passion and interest in life. When you spend a lot of time doing things that don’t inspire you, it can zap your energy quickly.

So, if you wake up feeling tired and drained consistently, take it as a sign you need more self-care in your life. When you are taking care of yourself, you’ll feel energized and ready to take on anything.

As you can see, there are a lot of signs that could point to the fact you need a change. Self-care can really help to improve self-esteem, give you a sense of purpose and help to make you feel happier and more energized. So, if you want to make a change, recognize where your current issues lie and use self-care to eliminate them.

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
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Letter to Mom is Bittersweet - day 10 UBC Challenge

Dear Mom, 

I began working on this gift back before I moved to the Austin area from Lewisville. It was going to be your Christmas present for 2013...instead, I am sending it to you for Mother's Day 2014. 

Here on the pages of the book I created, I have shared a little bit of your life along with the memories - both good and maybe some bad, I really don't know...only you will know. 

It's day 10 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Earlier today, I was able to set time aside to begin the purging process of my lateral filing cabinet. This is something I do at the beginning of the new year. Yes, I'm a few weeks behind...but I was able to get it done today. Thank goodness! 

My crafting room thanks me too! Between this tub out and that tub out while I work on the current Junk Journal, it looks like the Tasmanian Devil has whirled through here. At least now, I can see the floor, my desktop, and the desk behind me. That's always a good feeling! Especially for a crafter. Can any of you relate? 

I knew that recycle day was soon approaching so I wanted to get this done sooner than later. As I went through each file folder, pulling this and pulling that, making a new folder for this and a new one for that - I ran across a letter I had written my mom on May 7, 2014. 

I glanced at the letter atop of many other file folders that I had already cleaned out. Many of the folders remained the same, only lighter after today. I read through the first page...set it aside and continued working on my folders. 

Picking the letter back up after a little bit, I began reading the next page...

I spent many, many hours in the back while living in Lewisville, you would always question why I always went to the back after work. Here I was working on a Christmas gift for you but couldn't say what it was I was doing...I wanted it to be a surprise. Mom, you never understood why I wanted to be in my own space in the wee hours of the night, but after you see your gift, you will understand. 

one of the layouts I had made for mom's gift

I hope you enjoy looking through the different pages I have created as much as I had looking for just the right pictures. I put some serious pictures as well as some quirky ones, I hope you get a laugh out of them, and maybe for a moment, you can step back in time when you were happy and at peace. I found myself chucking a time or two, too and I'm sure you might even shed a tear, as I did. 

Mom, I have always had a lot of questions without any answers and I thought one day, I might find them...it's evident to me now, that day will never come and the one person who holds them, is YOU. 

Setting the letter to the side once again, I finished up the filing cabinet and started cleaning off the other desk. I have two desks in my crafting room. The one I use and then the one that sets behind me with other things on it. Glue Books, Journals, cardstock, paper stock, a catch-all, etc. 

I stopped. I turned around, picked up the letter again, and read it completely. 

Mom, you know firsthand I am a fighter. I don't give up easily...this has been a true test for me as my first reaction was to say, to hell with it all and go about my merry way, but I can't do that. (I was battling Stage 4 Thyroid Cancer) I am resilient! I don't give up easily and if I have breath, there will be HOPE in my life to beat this thing called cancer.

Mom, I love you. I don't have the energy level in my body to deal with the family dynamics of chaos and negativity any longer. I need understanding and support for me just as much as the next person in our family. I've never been one to hold grudges and I'm not going to start now. I have so many questions without any answers but continue to choose to move forward. I have forgiven and I have moved on more times than anyone in this family and no one understands that. I'm continually being judged for things I've done many, many, many years ago by those who look me in the eyes and say, 'I love you'. I've had so many losses from people who live and breathe because they hold onto the past. They judge and they hold onto the words from others above anything I have said to set the record straight. Yet, I am always the one in the wrong...

Mom, I never understood why you said, "you felt your purpose in life was taken from you". I'm sorry you have scars in your heart and on your mind from emotional and mental pain that has been inflicted on you over and over and over. I'm sorry for the role I played in that hurt and pain. People don't deserve to be treated poorly. Mom, you ARE a wonderful human being...you have a lot of love, compassion, and a giving heart. I love you, mom...

Please accept this book as your Mother's Day present 2014 and know that I love you VERY much. I miss you. I miss seeing you. I miss your soft hands and your long-drawn-out hugs. I have those memories tucked away deep into my heart and my mind and will never lose sight of any of them.

My mom had just had emergency surgery to repair a ruptured colon. I was driving back and forth from the Austin area to DFW (Dallas/Ft Worth) to see her and check on her health care every weekend. She was in the hospital for thirty days, then in a rehab facility for another 30 days. This was in the latter part of September 2013.

In June of 2013, I relocated to the Round Rock, Texas area for a new position in the Mental Health Field. I had previously been working at one of the 9 State Hospitals in Texas for Behavioral Health. The new position I accepted opened up as a result of the company receiving a new grant to extend their mental health services.  At the time of my relocation, my family didn't move with me as I moved first to start my job, find a place to live, and get settled. Then they were going to join me. Within three months of moving (by myself), I learned I had cancer. Instead of returning to Lewisville, we decided my family would join me as soon as possible. Mom didn't want to move to the RR area, so we moved her back to Amarillo with my sister. This was December 2013. 

Per the doctor's advice, as sick as my mom was - they advised me 'not' to tell her about my cancer. For me, the cancer was fast and furious...and time was of the essence. My youngest daughter and I were traveling back and forth to MD Anderson, Houston, TX for treatment. I refrained to tell mom what was going on with me...looking back at that decision, I can see it was a huge mistake not telling her what was going on with me.  Mom didn't understand why she was moving back to Amarillo without seeing me. She couldn't even talk to me during this time, I was that sick. 

Unspoken words. Spoken words. Hearts were torn apart...things were said to my mom that I'll never understand to this day. Words that drove walls of resentment up between the both of us. Anguish, hurt, with no understanding. There were no words to make either one of us understand the events of the recent months in 2013. 

I was focused on my health and getting the treatment I needed. Mom never knew anything was wrong. We were protecting her because she was frail. She was feeble. She was dealing with a difficult recovery in her life too from the ruptured colon. We thought we were going to lose her a few times, but she was tough and pulled through. It was during this time, my sister and I learned that she had lost a baby. Neither one of us knew...

My mom and I were never close growing up. So much of my life's story, I don't understand. My mom saw me right after I was born, then again in November '62. Then she was gone again...her mom and stepfather raised me until they died in the 70's. Mom was gone for many years in the beginning...then again when I was in the 4th grade. I didn't see mom after that until they removed me from class in the 7th grade. It was then when I began hating her with a passion. 

me and mom, Nov. 1962

I continued reading the letter I had written that day in 2014 with tears streaming down my face...

Mom, please accept this book as your Mother's Day present 2014 and know that I love you VERY much. I miss you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. You ARE and will ALWAYS be forever in my heart and forever on my mind. 

                                                                    Happy Mother’s Day!

                                                                    Love, 

                                                                    *****

Continuing to sit at my desk trying to compose my thoughts, I soon realized the words I wrote my mother on that day in May...mean more to me today, than they did then. Mom will be gone for 1 year on the 28th of this month. 

Because of my health in the latter months of 2013 through 2014, it wasn't until early 2015 that I was able to see my mother after relocating to the Round Rock area. My youngest daughter took me to see her in the spring of 2015. We didn't tell my mom we were coming to Amarillo. We surprised her and boy, was she surprised. 

She told me after the shock of seeing me standing there in her doorway, that she thought she would never see me again. That was in 2015...here I am in 2021 and I will never see her again. 

I love you mom, I miss you...so many things left unsaid. So many questions with no answers. So much pain left unresolved.  

How many of you are dealing with unresolved issues today? How many of you have a void in your life because of loss over a loved one because of hurtful words spoken? Have you tried to make amends, ask for forgiveness, or even forgave the others who have hurt you? If not, how come? 

I'm thankful today that mom and I were able to put our differences aside, ask one another for forgiveness, and had what little time we had to shower each other with love and gratitude. I don't hold any anger or resentments towards mom for all the 'stuff' inflicted on my life for so many years when she was there and in her absence. 

Many times, those things were always never spoken of...they were swept under the rug and forgotten. Many of those memories today are still very raw in my mind as I am the one who lived through them. They molded me into the person I am today. They pushed me to be resilient. They drove me to dig deep and fight to be the bigger person. They also taught me humbleness, forgiveness, and gave me a sense of hope. Hope that things would not always be as they were but would be what I turned them into being. Those very same hurts were the catalyst of pushing me forward to grow stronger in my faith. It was faith that got me through the tough times in life. It IS faith that gets me through today...

I placed the letter back in the folder and tucked it away in the filing cabinet. I smiled and looked around my crafting room where I have tender memories of mom all over the place. 

The Angel Doll I gave her shortly after I got married at 17 years old. 

The singing bear that sings, "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. 

The Thomas Kincaid floral arrangement that I gave her a few years ago. She felt bad, because it got knocked off her dresser and broke, but they glued it back together. 

Her ashes set close to the flower arrangement. Tucked away out of harms way up on the shelf...

In my bedroom, is the shadow box I made with all of the handcrafted things I had made and sent to her over the years. They were all sent back to me after mom's death. She had kept these close to her heart in her room at the Nursing Home. Inside of the shadow box is the Memory Album I made myself for Mothers Day 2020. There is also a Journal I sent mom years ago. She has a few things written inside of it...

I'm thankful today that mom and I were able to move past all the hurts, the pain that was inflicted by both of us at different times in our lives before she passed away. I still wonder at times though, if she ever truly knew just how much I loved her. I will never know...that makes my heart sad. 

Don't allow resentment, anger, or pride to stand in the way of making amends with people you love. We are not promised tomorrow. Don't wait until it's too late. 

 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

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