Rejection is a Beast

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. Have you ever been rejected by someone? How did you handle it? Did you shrug it off and walk away with your head held high, or did you crumble into a million pieces and ask the only question you can, "WHY" a million times over? 

This is how I decipher rejection...

It hits you in the gut like a 100-pound ball of steel. It knocks the air out of you...it is numbing. It makes you question everything you thought was going right. It makes a person have a complex. It causes one not to trust others. It steals the very life right out of your being...

Rejection stings. Yet this sting does not just go away with a snap of a finger. It lingers. It creates confusion in one's mind. It creates hurt in the heart and it takes away what little joy a person may have had. 

Tonight, I had an encounter. It was not one I was anticipating, just kind of happened by accident. I made a comment, the look I witnessed was priceless...the moment was awkward., the feeling I felt afterwards was hard to swallow. My eyes filled up with tears, I felt lost. I felt defeated. I felt all the 1000's of questions I have had for so many years begin to swirl around my head again with all the question marks. Who am I? Rejection...

Growing up with all the questions of why with no answers was a lonely road to travel. Learning how to walk forward in life with confidence took work. It did not come easy...I built up walls, I built up a safety net around me so I would 'not' feel anything. This lasted for years...more than I care to admit honestly. 

A few years back, almost eight to be exact, my oldest daughter walked out of my life with no explanation. Rejection...all the feelings of 'why' all over again. No communication. No reasons. 

Tonight's reaction is not about my oldest daughter, but my entire family overall. Even the ones I never knew... The hurts they have caused and the rejection that continues to plague my heart are relentless all the way from the top, down...I have always heard if one wants to change, it has to start at the top. Well, at the top / both have passed, so how does this change the course of my life? 

I try to communicate with my grandchildren...nothing but excuses or complete silence on the other end. Why? because of all the lies that have been spoken about me.  One day, this too will all be revealed...and time will have been lost and too late. 

The events of tonight opened so many emotions for me...so I ask myself the 'why'? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with this situation? The tears have flowed for the last several minutes and I cannot explain the whys other than, I have lived through so many hurts in life from the day I was conceived, and yet, I'm 'not' supposed to have a reason to feel the way I feel inside of my heart, inside of my mind, inside of my being. 

I need to shake this feeling. This reaction to a situation that is completely out of my grasp. But how...become cold and shut off again from all of mankind? Build up the walls to protect my heart again? Shrug people off, not have a feeling to anything or anyone? Become cold as ice as my mom used to tell me...it is ironic, to say the least of all people, she told me I had a heart of ice. WOW!!!! More rejection, more lies, more abandonment...it never stops! Even after they are gone...MAKE IT STOP!, but how? 

For the last hour and a half, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out 'why' I have had the reaction I have had tonight. I cannot put my finger on it...I cannot shake this feeling. It has cut deep, like the knife in the back all over again...by a total stranger. WOW - - 

I  need to process this deeply, quietly, and alone...I need to figure this out and fast! I need to write. I need to journal. I need to craft. I need to be still. I need to run...oh wait, I cannot run. My back is up against a wall - -I need to flee. But I cannot do that either. I just need to breathe. Long, slow, deep breaths. Calm my spirit...but how? Why? WHY am I feeling like this, tell me, WHY??? Because I AM BIGGER than that! I have a choice. 

Pandora is on. The station has changed...and yet, the tears still flow. 

Rejection creates pain...

I take a glimpse of my arms...I see the scars from days of yesterday. The ones that rejected me long before tonight. The pain, the heartache, the lies, the betrayal, the hurts, the anger, and the rage. I wanted to feel what I no longer felt. I wanted the pain I relinquished on myself to release the inner pain that had been bestowed upon me so many times by so many people. Those scars are a constant reminder of where I have been and where I am today...LIVING! BREATHING...Just being.  

Rejection steals...

the joy, the peace, the happiness, the place of solace, the place of forgiveness. Instead, it creates so much chaos and confusion. It places doubts in one's mind. It creates turmoil...whether we like it or not. 

Rejection...no wonder people choose to walk away from the hurts. That is what  I did back in the day...but when rejection becomes a mountain in front of your path, how does one climb above it?

I am mentally and emotionally exhausted by all of the rejection I have lived through during my fifty-eight years on this earth. Yet, I continue to breathe...but how?  It would be so much easier to give up, wave the white flag, throw in the towel, bury one's head in the sand, walk away yet again...BUT I cannot. I have felt rejection from everyone in my immediate family circle in one way or the other...and yet, I rise above.

I continue to lean on God's strength and understanding. Expecting that one day, all will reveal itself and those who do not believe - -will learn the truth, but by then, I can assure you it will be too late as my last breath would have already been taken...

Rejection is a BEAST...it kills. 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

Facebook: H2hsc2020
Twitter: H2hsc2020
Instagram: Heart to Heart Soul Creations
Pinterest: Heart to Heart Soul Creations (H2hsc2020)

 

#thinkingoutloud, #life, #rejection, #hurts, #strength, #HOPE, #cutter, #recovery, #resilience

 

 

Life is A Journey - Ten Things of Thankful

In the last two weeks, I have missed the Ten Things of Thankful link up. I am determined 'not' to miss it this week. 

The Challenge is to write about ten things we are thankful for in a week's time. However, you do not have to stop at ten...you could write an entire page if you wanted to if you have that many things to be thankful for.

Over the course of the last two weeks, I have had many things I am thankful for. 

1. Friendships - they are the lasting bond when everyone else goes to the wayside. 

2. Creation - I am amazed by the beauty that surrounds us in our world that we call Earth. No man could create such wonders. 

3. Life - In the last several years, I have knocked on death's door more than once. Stage three - almost stage four Thyroid Cancer in 2013. An Esophageal Rupture that left me in the hospital and fighting for my life for 41 days straight at the cost of $237 shy of a million bucks. (I call myself the million-dollar baby). Fast forward to 2020, diagnosed with COVID 19, and hospitalized with an Asthma exacerbation and RSV prior to testing positive for COVID 19. (how I survived these three whammies - it is ONLY by God's grace and mercy). I take nothing for granted in this life...absolutely nothing! 

4. Family - although many of my family members are no longer in my life (due to death or their choice to sever the bonds of our relationship), the ones who remain I am thankful for.

My family has caused me a great deal of grief in my lifetime. I have had more loss from 'living' people than those who have died. It is quite sad, but it is a reality. I have had to come to terms with their choices and hold on to the assurances that we will all be held accountable for our actions - regardless of what it is. I too am human, and I have on many occasions said I am sorry and have asked for forgiveness. Now it is up to the other person...

In the meantime, I must continue to live and do what I know is right in my heart. I cannot bury my head in the sand and stop living. Why should I? 

5. People - regardless of skin color - we are all human beings. We cannot turn the clock back on time and change what has happened before our generation. But we can change the future that is before us by our actions and our voices. Violence is not the answer. Silence is not the answer. Playing the victim is not the answer. Continuing to perpetuate the cycle of hatred in the younger generation is not the answer. 

We must recognize people are human beings and we were all created equal in the eyes of God. No one is less than. 

There was a time in my life that I do not speak about often, but I was treated worse than an animal. I know the pain of humiliation and being treated less than. This was a very horrendous, traumatic time in my life, and it did not happen that long ago. It has haunted me ever since the day it occurred. But I have become stronger from it. I have shown my resilience through the hatred of mankind against another human being. I rose and took my stand and I will NOT hold angst against those who did me wrong, but I will rise and take my place in society. Sure, I could be angry. I could hold a rage within. But I choose not to do so. By not doing so, I am the bigger person and I will be stronger for it. 

The days of that horrible summer are far behind me. The memories still linger in my mind though as if it were only yesterday. I fight the demons that try to tell me otherwise and I remind them 'whose" I am throughout the day. (this was another one of those times, I beat death). I thank God daily for delivering me from the hands of the evil men and woman who taunted me and abused me that day. I also thank God daily for giving me the strength to forgive the family who created this memory for me. 

6. Forgiveness - Webster's Dictionary definition says "forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you". It is not easy to forgive a person who has done you wrong, but it can be done. Just because I forgive though, does not mean I forget. The difference is holding onto the resentment. If we do that, it will begin to fester inside of us, and the hatred will eat us up. 

I am very thankful I can forgive today. I have not always been able to recognize forgiveness in its raw form. It is like a breath of fresh air...I am not too proud to say I am sorry. I just wished others would/could do the same. 

7. Crafting - I enjoy crafting very much. It is one of my favorite pastimes. The joy of crafting though left me in 2019 after a very emotional and hurtful ordeal blindsided me in life. I am slowly finding my way back to it. I wish it would hurry up and return though. I look around my crafting room and see all the 'stash' I own that pertains to crafting. My heart yearns to find joy in it again. 

This is one of my Glue Books I made last month when I was participating in the Self-Love Challenge. If you look closely, you will see the words, "Cherish Life" towards the bottom in off to the side of the flower cluster. 

When I do find myself crafting these days, I think to myself - "This is it...I have found my way back". Yet, it takes me days if not weeks to find myself in this place again. I have had to make myself craft for at least 1 to 2 hours a day in hopes of finding that place of joy again...I am hopeful it will return sooner than later. 

8. Smiles - when I was in my early twenties, I got asked why I smiled so much. My reply, "I am a happy person".

I have been an Admin over several crafting groups over the years. From time to time, I would drop a note to the group - "Don't forget to share a smile with someone today as you may be the only one, they see". I cannot tell you the countless number of replies I would receive from this statement. It meant a lot to the members of my group. 

A smile can be shared in any language, culture, or race. A smile knows no boundaries. Young or old can share a smile and we all know what it is. We never know if the person next to us is hurting or not and who knows, when we share a smile, we are sending positive vibes. Smile...! :-)

9. Music - is the voice of the soul. I remember when I had moved to the Round Rock, Texas area for my job - I had a friend come and paint this quote on my apartment wall. It spoke to me daily...I love music. 

I listen to it every time I am in my crafting room. It inspires me. It speaks to me. It ministers to me. It encourages me. I suppose my love for music came from playing the Violin. I miss playing the violin. 

10. Love - I am thankful for love. Whether it comes from my husband, my daughter, my grandsons, or my extended family and friends. Love changes things. 

I leave you with this...

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love does not envy

Love does not boast

Love is not rude

Love is not self-seeking

Love is not easily angered

Love keeps no records of wrongdoing

Love NEVER fails

I can name ten things I am thankful for in my heart because it is full of joy and thanksgiving today because I can love. 

What are you thankful for today? 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

 Facebook: H2hsc2020

Twitter: H2hsc2020

Instagram: Heart to Heart Soul Creations

Pinterest: Heart to Heart Soul Creations (H2hsc2020)

#TenThingsofThankful, #ttot, #challenge, #thankfulness, #storytelling, #inspiration, #Life, #forgiveness, #resilience, #hope, #blogging, #Love, #violinist, #beauty

"Grace in the Fire" a Memoir by Margo Williams

Margo Williams, my best friend for the last 6 years recently released her first book called, "Grace in the Fire".

Margo and I met through our circles of working in the Mental Health Field. She was in San Antonio working at the State Hospital and I was working at the State Hospital in Terrell. Little did we know, we would become instant friends on a weekend board meeting trip. That weekend set us both on a journey that has remained with us ever since.

In her memoir, "Grace in the Fire" - Margo shares her personal life story of pursuing a Bachelor's Degree then unexpectantly having "her life turned upside down and dark as night" and given the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.

Margo is compelled to share her story in order to speak HOPE, empowerment, and encouragement to others who feel they are alone in their mental health struggles.

Margo speaks to her place of darkness and wanting her life to end but soon learned that HOPE was for her and that recovery IS real and it can be achieved.

To read more about Margo's personal journey, order your copy "Grace in the Fire, today at https://amzn.to/2zxQ4ty

You can also follow Margo on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/hopespeaks2youandme

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

Disclaimer: In this post are my affiliate links if you click on the links and make a purchase, I will make a small percentage of the items you purchase.

#HopeSpeaks, #GraceintheFire, #resilience, #perserverance, #memoir, #HOPE, #empowerment, #encouragement, #book, #truestory, #storytelling, #inspiration, #mentalhealthjourney

Day 19 What Do You Love About Life

Day 19's prompt in the Self-Love Challenge asked, "What Do You Love About Life"?  Life itself. You see not long ago, I was literally fighting to stay alive due to some major health complications. 

I'll share a little bit about one of my experiences with you...

I went to the hospital on June 28th, 2016 for a routine procedure that involved a Bronchoscopy, an Endoscopy, and a Largynscopy The doctor was looking to see if I had a mass around my vocal cords as my voice started changing and the cough wasn't going away. He was thinking maybe something had happened during the Thyroidectomy in 2014 that created this mass and needed to be sure so he would know how to move forward with my treatment of care.

While sitting in the recovery room waiting to go home after the procedure, the nurse asked me to take a sip of water. When I did, I began choking, had excruciating pain in my back and chest, and couldn't catch my breath. They immediately took me back for a CT scan to find that my esophagus had been ruptured and now it had become a matter of life and death for me. I needed to have emergency surgery in hopes of repairing the damage caused by the doctor who did the original procedure. During this time, my lung also collapsed. I was rushed to ICU until they got the treatment team in place. (the last thing I remember is - being held up on the CT scan machine by 6 men).

My family was contacted at 3:30 a.m. to return to the hospital immediately as I could die during this surgery. Once they arrived, they took me back for emergency surgery. I was in ICU for 3 days on a ventilator, life support machine, this tube - that tube...had NG tubes in my nose and chest tubes hanging out of my side. I also had 17 staples across my left backside and up under my left breast. This is where they entered to do emergency surgery. I was on all kinds of iv antibiotics and a ton of different medications. I went to Code Blue status 3 times during this ordeal... I remember like it was yesterday seeing my life unfold from the time I was a baby until the current day. It was so surreal - like watching a home movie of my life. I knew I had been walking with the Angels at that point....not to mention being strapped to the bed so I wouldn't / couldn't move.

I laid in the hospital for 47 days unable to eat anything. This machine, that machine and all the tubes are known to man stretching out across my body. They were giving me iv nutrition. I had 2 different pik lines in my arm and chest. Once the ng tube was removed, I began trying to take in clear liquids. This resulted in a great deal of nausea and vomiting. It has been a very slow process trying to eat again. At one time, the doctors indicated I may never eat again...my life as I knew it has been altered. The doctors even said during all of my doctor's visits after being discharged, eating may be a thing of the past for me and I possibly may end up on a lifelong feeding tube...so as you see, This has been a very traumatic and emotional experience for both me and my family.

Many nights, the doctor would come into my room in the wee hours of the morning - stand at the foot of my bed and say, "people die from this type of injury...you need to move forward very slow...he would always say, this only happens to about 1 in 10,000 and I was the 'lucky' one". Each week in the hospital, I had a CT scan with barium to see how the rupture was healing. It is still there but contained. However, when I get sick - I take a chance of reopening the hole.

When I was discharged from the hospital, I was told to eat soft foods. Well, as many of you know...that didn't go over very well and the doctor put me on a strict liquid diet for three months. Going back and forth to the emergency room due to extreme nausea, abdominal pains and unable to keep liquids down - I still am on a strict liquid diet until the end of November - the first part of December. It is quite difficult as there isn't much to partake of on a daily basis other than soup, broth, yogurt, ice cream, and protein drinks. I have made a few smoothies, but the last time I saw the doctor - he told me that I could not have the fruit of any kind so that nixes the smoothie idea.

During the last doctor's visit in early 2017, I learned that in order for them to access where the rupture was, they had to remove ribs and stretch my rib cage apart. (Now wouldn't you think they would have mentioned that in the hospital?)...No, they didn't - NOT a word.

I must have esophageal stretches every 4 - 6 months now for the rest of my life because on any given day, my esophagus could completely close from the scar tissue. 

So you see, I do NOT take any day for granted. I cherish life and I value everyone that is in my circles. This is what I love about life...being able to live and saying, "I have survived"! 

What do you love about life? 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

Facebook: H2hsc2020

Twitter: H2hsc2020

Instagram: Heart to Heart Soul Creations

Pinterest: Heart to Heart Soul Creations (H2hsc2020)

#SelfLove, #challenge, #selfworth,  #selfimage, #life, #HOPE, #resilience, #survivor, #Love, Inspiration

Day 14 - What Are Your Biggest Insecurities

The prompt for Day 14 in the Self-Love Challenge hosted by Pinkmama's Place/Pam Allen was "What Are Your Biggest Insecurities". 

I'm my worst critic. I set the bar high for myself as back in the day, I used to be able to reach the mark. Today, I struggle with just getting through a day anymore due to health issues.

My weight. Having chronic health issues arise since the onset of Stage 3 Thyroid Cancer in 2013 - my weight has completely gone out of the window. Having Environmental Asthma doesn't help either since I must take steroids out of the wazoo. Exercise the doctors say...not sure how that's supposed to work when I can't even walk from room to the room in my house without feeling like I'm going to pass out from respiratory issues. Some days, I just shake my head!

Providing for myself. Back in the day when I could work, I was self-sufficient. I didn't worry about the what if's in life. Now that my health has taken a turn and I've had to walk out of the working force, being dependant on others is quite difficult for me. In fact, it's a scary place to be - especially feeling as though it is NOW someone else's responsibility to take care of me and my needs. UGH

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

Facebook: H2hsc2020

Twitter: H2hsc2020

Instagram: Heart to Heart Soul Creations

Pinterest: Heart to Heart Soul Creations (H2hsc2020)

#SelfLove, #HOPE, #selfimage, #Insecurities, #resilience, #Life, #challenge, 

Beautiful YOU

28 Apr 2020
The Ultimate Blog Challenge
Beautiful YOU

Beauty they say is only skin deep. I never really understood what that meant growing up  - but as I got older and wiser, I get it now. Many years ago when I battled mental health issues, I was a cutter. I cut not for the feel-good factor or anything like that. I cut out of trying to release all of the inner pains I felt from abandonment, trauma, PTSD, sexual molestation, feelings of being less than, and feelings of not being seen as beautiful.

I thought if they (family and others don't see me as beautiful) then I would make myself fit that mold of unbeautiful. Cutting for me started during my second marriage (it was very short-lived I might add - less than two years). The emotional turmoil that I endured during this marriage was a force to be reckoned with. I was made to feel like I needed to 'fit' in the molds of this person or that person. The other party wanted me to dress like this person and that one as well as carry myself in certain ways. They wanted me to possess 'fake' beauty. 

In my teen years, I thought I was a beautiful young lady, but those feelings quickly changed as life happened and this event occurred and that event occurred. I no longer possessed outward or inner beauty. I saw myself as ugly in every sense of the word. 

Fast forward from the time I began cutting in 1994 to the current day of 2020. I no longer cut, but the scars on my body tell a story of the pain I once carried. At times, I've considered covering them up - but why should I? They show where I've been and where I am today. They show the journey of life and how I've overcome the stumbling blocks which I've turned into stepping stones. I'm not proud that I resorted to such horrific measures, but I am proud that I have the life experience and the ability to share my personal lived experiences of HOPE with others who may be struggling with their internal beauty and self-awareness.

The word beautiful encompasses many things for many people. Have you ever stopped and really considered what the true meaning of the word is? Let me help you...

Webster's Dictionary describes BEAUTIFUL like this:

adjective

1. *pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.

       *of a very high standard; excellent

When I think of the word beautiful, the first thing that comes to mind is flowers. They are pretty, they are pleasing and they are beautiful (in most cases). 

When I think of people and their beauty, my mind immediately goes to Hollywood where 'plastic surgery' has altered one's look to achieve beauty. Average people want to look like so many of them and they will take whatever measures to obtain that look. I have my personal feelings around this and I won't get into that debate today. 

People also possess inner beauty. That is the one thing I look at most in a person. Often times, I can tell how a person 'truly' is by examining their heart. No, I'm not a heart surgeon or anything like that. What I mean is, I listen to their words, I watch how they carry themselves. I listen to their stories. We can learn a great deal by looking at a person's inner beauty. 

My youngest daughter is a professional wedding photographer. I'm amazed at the beautiful imagery she captures when her camera is in her hands. Not only does she capture the Bride in her beautiful, amazing, and many times stunning dresses - she is able to capture the very essence of beauty in everything that surrounds those particular days. She even captures the little nuances that many times are overlooked. She sees these as beautiful memories for her Brides and Grooms. 

Beauty today is achieved by many different avenues. Some people have natural beauty while others have to work at it. A tuck here and a tuck there. A lift here and a lift there. Get the idea? Inner beauty is the same. If life has dealt a person a bad hand, their inner beauty may be representative of this as it was in my case for many years. I didn't see myself as beautiful on any level. I sabotaged the inner beauty I had out of the pain I had been dealt with from circumstances and from others. 

Many times, I found myself standing in front of a mirror and asking, "Mirror, Mirror on the wall - whos the fairest of them all"? Have you ever felt like that? Honestly? After my last mental health breakdown in 2005, I created a scrapbook called, My Mental Health. I remember making a page with the mirror context as mentioned above. I had a photo of myself looking into a mirror and the mirror was shattered. This represented so many things for me. Today, when I look back on those pages, I can feel the pain jump off of them. I can sense the dark places I was in and I'm very thankful I have been set free from my own self-doubt and self-sabotage in life. How did I do it? It wasn't easy. I had to work at flipping the switch and quit settling with the concept that I was dealt a bad hand so I needed to make the best of it. I wanted to change. I NEEDED change. I didn't want to settle anymore. I wanted more for myself and for my life. I wanted to feel beautiful inside. I didn't care about my outward appearance. Remember, beauty is only skin deep...and it could be altered in so many ways on any given day. 

Being beautiful inwardly is more important to me than being beautiful on the outside. I feel that way because there will always be someone more beautiful than me. I'm not competing with anyone or anything. Inward beauty is truth. It is honest. It is real. A person can't fake inward beauty. 

I'm my own BEAUTIFUL ME! Have you found your Beautiful YOU yet? If not, what keeps you from doing so? Are you holding yourself to other standards or expectations? If you are, then stop it as you'll never achieve who you are truly meant to become. If others are making you feel that way, take a step back and reevaluate their place in your life. You might need to remove the toxicity of that relationship in order to find the 'true Beautiful YOU". 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

#BlogBoost, #theUltimateBlogChallenge, #beauty, #BeautifulYOU, #life, #truestory, #selfsabatoge, #innerbeauty, #resilience, #lifelessons, #mentalhealth, #cutter, #selfreflection, #stumblingblocksintosteppingstones, #storytelling, #HOPE, #inspiration

REFLECTION

20 Apr 2020
The Ultimate Blog Challenge

R E F L E C T I O N 

As I sit here and think about the last year or so my mind goes to many different scenarios I've encountered in life. In fact, I can't just sit here and reflect on only the last year. There have been many life lessons learned. Many failures and many accomplishments.

One of those accomplishments was starting my blog in January. I had been approached several years ago to think about starting a blog on crafting, but I didn't feel like the timing was right so I set it on the back burner. In August of 2019, I was approached again and I begin to put serious thought to it. I had been having conversations with my son in law about the ins and outs of setting something up like a website, the traffic, the how to's, and so on. I begin researching a few things and November I put things in motion. 

I already had a crafting page set up on Facebook that only a few people were following as it was where I posted my crafts that I had made versus showering my main Facebook page with them. I'm sure many folks don't have an interest in what I make or the whys even. I began tweaking this page and brought to life my Heart to Heart Soul Creations page to encompass my vision of Crafting, Blogging, Family Genealogist and Influencer. I added the H2hsc2020 so it would be easy to find. 

As I reflect on previous blogs I've written and the why's behind them, I'm reminded of the many triumphs in life that I've had. Yet, at the same time, I'm glad there were also stumbling blocks to navigate. Like anything else, there are always lessons to learn. That's where we find our strength, our resilience, our inner fight, and our will to survive. It's also where we learn what works and what doesn't. We are people and we are all different. I'm thankful that we aren't the cookie-cutter effect. That would be very boring and mundane, to say the least. 

I am sure my writing skills aren't perfected like many in the blogging world and that's okay. We are all unique. We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. For me, it's in those weaknesses that I become strong and where I thrive. 

At times I get frustrated with myself...not for messing up or doing the wrong things but setting the bar very high for myself. I recall as a young girl when I was told I 'couldn't' - I'd set out to prove them wrong. It was always about the choices...those life lessons, the failures, the accomplishments, the accolades. They all go hand in hand. The good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent, it didn't matter. Experiences are where we learn how to turn those stumbling blocks into the stepping stones. If everything came easy, when would we learn? 

I find it funny that simple things are difficult, while the more challenging things come easy for me. It doesn't make sense. I always want to think outside of the box, asking the questions when others go silent on. I didn't want to do just what the job description said, I always wanted to go above and beyond. Be a team player, excel and grow. At times, this is a wonderful thing and at other times - it doesn't hurt to put self on autopilot and hold steady. Both are important and very much needed in order to be successful. There's always a learning curve. The squeezing. The uncomfortable feeling of criticism and failure. It's in those feelings though I find resolve. I press in and continue moving forward regardless of how uncomfortable things are. 

Blogging is no different. I've written from my heart. Shared crafting stories. I've talked about my journey with the ancestors through genealogy and have written about many other things, too. I've read several times that blogging can be a place of venting, inspiration, education, sharing life experiences, making others laugh and so much more. 

Taking part in the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I have had the opportunity of commenting on many other blogs and receiving comments on mine. When I read the comments left from other bloggers, I gain insight. It empowers me to continue on the journey I've set out to accomplish and at the same time, they teach me where I need to grow.

There's still many things I need to learn about blogging and in time, those things will be in place. For now, I'm going to reflect on some of the comments that have been left on my posts. 

Talking about genealogy seems to be a big hit with many people. Especially when I share vintage photos or other memories. It's interesting to me when I've said something that will jar a memory for someone else. Those are valuable lessons for a blogger. They are like the bait and hook...

Many of my crafting posts have received many positive comments. I enjoy it when I share something and someone comments that they would like to try what I've shared. That's what crafting is about - - to inspire another human being. I enjoy seeing other's creativity and if they were to try something I have shared, I'd love to be tagged in that!

Talking about life lessons is a topic that is near and dear to my heart as well. It's through those lessons that I have learned how to be who I am today. I learned a long time ago, I'm the evidence that recovery happens. I'm living it daily! I walk it, talk it, live it, 24/7. However, one must remember not to become proud. I remain humble on a daily basis. When I share my life journey with others I do so from a place of strength, hope, acceptance,  transformation, honesty, rejection, failure, learning, abandonment, my truth, loss, empowerment, inspiration, peace, brokenness, humility, and grace. It takes all of these to BECOME...

Reflection...looking at the person in the mirror staring back at me, am I happy with who I see? YES, I am! 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

#BlogBoost, #inspiration, #reflection, #lifejourney, #blogging, #life, #storytelling, #resilience, #ultimateblogchallenge

The Letter is H

April 9, 2020
A to Z Challenge H = Heart to Heart Soul Creations

Today the letter is H. After thinking about the theme I chose for the challenge, I thought about the name I chose for my crafting creations. It starts with the letter H and there is significant meaning behind the name. 

HEART TO HEART SOUL CREATIONS

As a teenager, I began clipping words, phrases, and pictures out of newspapers and magazines. Tha'st was how I crafted back then! I've always loved art - but I was never good at painting, drawing, or much anything else until a very dark time in my life...

In 2005, I went through a very traumatic ordeal in life that created a great deal of mental, emotional, and physical pain and angst. This ordeal changed me inwardly and outwardly. I was lost. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was in the darkest place of my life that I had ever been in before. It was an abyss. 

I had seen some mosaic crosses made from broken tiles and I thought to myself, "wouldn't that feel good to be able to break something and not be looked at a certain way". I acquired some tiles, grout, paint, and, some boards and I went to breaking. Before I knew it, I had created something beautiful from my heart and soul that had hidden meanings in them. After all, I wasn't trying to make anything special, I was just piddling around in order to get my mind off the dire situation so that possibly, I could break the cycle of pain and despair I was feeling. 

When my husband hung up one of the boards - I stared at it and suddenly the word, "HOPE" jumped off of it and I started yelling, "do you see that"? The word, HOPE is on the board...in that very moment, I knew my God had not forsaken me during this dark time and He was so ever near to me. A few days later, 3 more boards came to life. FAITH, LOVE, and DREAM. 

one of the crosses I made

After the boards, I started making mosaic crosses. I found joy in breaking the tiles and creating beautiful pieces of art, even if I, myself felt broken. I put the newspapers and magazines away because I just experienced a new form of art - Altered Art/Mixed Media, whatever you wanted to call it back then. To me it was new and it was art! 

When I started crafting many, many years ago - it was from a place of pain. Both mental and emotional. I used crafting to cope with the pain I felt internally. Today, when I craft, I create from my heart and soul - whether it's happy, dark times, sad times or full of joy and laughter - thus - Heart to Heart Soul Creations (H2hsc2020) came into existence. 

Whether it's scrapbook layouts, tags, cards, mixed media, altered art, pocket letters, loaded envelopes, or junk journals of any theme imaginable - I craft for enjoyment. I craft from my heart and soul - I give life to something as simple as a paperclip. 

H2hsc2020 was founded on the Word of God. God IS the reason I live and breathe today. I learned a long time ago, the true meaning of forgiveness. I learned resilience through abandonment. I learned how to survive when others said I wouldn't. It was ALL because of God's grace, forgiveness, protection, guidance, comfort, and loving me just the way I am. I won't apologize for my faith and when I craft for others, I speak blessings into everything I create for them. It is from my heart and soul to theirs. 

Today, H2hsc2020 has many more meanings than just crafting. I enjoy walking with my ancestors by way of Genealogy. I guess you could call me, the family Genealogist! LOL - I enjoy visiting cemeteries, taking photographs of the headstones, learning of the history and meeting new family I never knew I had by way of DNA testing. I love perusing the photos of yesterday in hopes of possibly finding a family member who I have yet to know. 

Through crafting and genealogy, I decided to begin a blog in order to share my interests with others of my passion through these wonderful outlets. I live today from a place of resilience because of my life experiences. My motto is, "if I can instill hope to another human being who might be mentally or emotionally hurting, living in a dark place internally, feels they are unlovable, dealing with depression or another mental health issue, going through a traumatic experience, and thinking life isn't worth living anymore - then I've done what I'm supposed to do."  

I'm the evidence that things do turn around for people - - BUT, we must put the work into it. We can't expect a different result by doing the same routine day in and day out...we MUST shake it up and flip that switch called life"! 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

Facebook - H2hsc2020

Twitter - #H2hsc2020

Instagram - Heart to Heart Soul Creations

#AtoZChallenge, #truestory, #life, #meaningbehindthename, #theletterH, #mixedmedia, #alteredart, #mentalhealth, #recovery, #resiliency, #forgiveness, #blogboost