Remember When

Remember when things were simple, and life just seemed to BE. 

As I am sitting here at my crafty desk working on the album for the Boutique, I have music playing in the background. Not really paying attention to it, but my spirit is. 

I'm focused on the album, placing the things on each page to finish it.  It's all about the details...

I've thought about grandparents today. My parents. My cousins. My siblings. My nieces and nephews. I've thought about grandchildren. My three grown children and each one of my friends. Thinking about each one of these people and wondering how they were. (there are many by the way). I've wondered many times how each one of them was.  Many I have not heard from in days, weeks, months, and even years...

Remember when the phone would ring asking if you wanted to grab a coke, sit and visit? Where did those days go...?

Remember when mothers and daughters would have a leisure day getting their pedicures and manicures done while sitting and conversing with each other. Catching up with each other's life. Where did those days go...?

Fathers would take their sons to the golf course, or the fishing pond. Lessons learned. Where did those days go...?

Remember when grandpa would say, c'mon...let's take a ride on the tractor? I remember my granddad well. He is in my thoughts daily. He was my mom's stepdad. He and my granny (mom's mother) raised me until their deaths in the '70s. 

I don't remember riding on the tractor with granddad, but I do remember him drinking a large glass of tea in a metal bright colored glass with a long skinny spoon and mounds of sugar sitting at the bottom of the glass. He would stir it and stir it and stir it until the sugar dissolved. (I think that is why today, I can't stand sweet tea). His WAS sweet, sweet, sweet! 

Remember when...

As I was working on the two pages above, finishing up the details, I noticed the quote I put on one page and then the other expression on the opposite side of the page. 

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LIVE IN THE MOMENT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GRATITUDE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I am crafting, I am in the zone with the music playing, I am cutting, gluing, pulling this, and putting that. Grabbing this item and looking for that! I AM completely oblivious to everything and anyone around me. I can do this for hours on end and not even realize it. 

I didn't pay attention when I placed the two words on these pages, but today they jumped out at me like a ton of bricks. "LIVE IN THE MOMENT". What does that mean? Remember when life was simple. Where did that go? Life seems complex at times today...

Living in the moment these days is a constant battle of struggling with this or juggling that. Dealing with this and putting that on the back burner. Living in the moment today means we wear our masks when we go out in public. We distance ourselves at least six feet from the next person. Living in the moment today means, we don't have friends over for cookouts or other family members for a festive time of food and laughter. Living in the moment today means wondering if we'll have money to pay a bill or put food on the table. Living in the moment today, means will there be money for necessities such as medications or treatments if needed. 

Living in the moment means I must draw closer to my Heavenly Father. He is the only one who can hold me in the moments of my weakness. 

Living in the moment means I can hold on to God's strength and love when everything around me is in disarray. He holds onto me when I'm in a dark place. He holds onto me when things go crazy around me. He holds onto me when I am walking with my head held high. God is my constant...

Living in the moment. I remember when nothing affected me. I was a child. I spoke as a child, I acted like a child. I played outside. I was on the go all the time. Nothing mattered. Time didn't stop to remember what life would be like 40 years later.  

Living in the Moment. Remembering when my granny and granddad would take me to church. He would throw me up on his shoulders and we would walk down the long hallways. He stood over 6 ft. tall. I thought I could touch the clouds when I was riding on his shoulders... I miss my grandparents. Granny Inez and Granddad. My life was never the same after their deaths. I'm thankful they took me when I easily could have become an orphan. Remember when. 

The second word is GRATITUDE. 

I am eternally grateful for the time I had with my grandparents. They instilled values into my inner soul. They showed me, love. They showed me kindness.  They showed me firmness with a stern voice occasionally. They protected me. They provided for me. They cared for me and my well-being. Had it not been for my granny Inez and Grandad, no telling where I'd be today...REMEMBER WHEN.

That's me with them...I lived with them until I was 10 years old. Granny Inez passed away in April 1971 and Grandad passed away in November 1972. My birthday was in October. Living in the moment, remembering when...life was so simple. Was it really? I'm sure life had its ups and downs with this and that, but I was oblivious. I was protected from it all. Granny passed with Coronary Occlusion and Granddad with Colon Cancer. He was her second husband...remember when.

  

The simple things...being loved. Being cared for. Trusting others to provide for all our wants, needs, and desires. Remember when...life was so simple. 

Gratitude. What are you thankful for today? Breath, a job, food on the table, or possibly family and friends? Could it be, we are thankful for it all? As I sit here and think about this word...I remember when there was a time in my life gratitude didn't exist in my world. I was so angry at the world. At people. At family. At friends.  AT SELF. Remember when. 

I remember when the pieces were broken all around me...and the only way I could move forward was by laying it all down at the cross. Gratitude encompasses many things...

grat·i·tude

noun

1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Let me pose a question to you...when was the last time you stopped and thought about all you are thankful for? A few years back, I made a Gratitude Journal. It consisted of 365 days of things I was thankful for. Remember when. 

I am going to challenge you today to stop what you are doing and write down 3 things you are grateful for.  Can you do that for me? If you can, I'd love to hear what you are grateful for. If you can't, why not? Are you carrying hurts, unforgiveness, doubt, or fear? Are you feeling hopeless because living in the moment has become exhausting? 

There were times that a specific day only had one word on the page in my Gratitude Journal. Living in the moment...

Sometimes, being grateful and being able to express that gratitude takes a great deal of energy. I would encourage you to be grateful because you want to be, NOT because someone expects it. 

Gratitude...

For me, not only does the word GRATITUDE means being thankful, but it also gives me HOPE.

Gratitude offers me an expectation that I WILL be thankful and appreciative of something each day. For instance, I am thankful that I woke up today. I am thankful that I have breath in my body. I am thankful that I am a wife. I am thankful that I am a mother and a grandmother (regardless of what life has thrown at me). I am thankful that I can create beautiful crafts. I am thankful I am living. I am thankful I can listen to the birds singing. I am thankful I can play with our fur baby. I am thankful I can forgive others AND myself. I am thankful that my sins have been washed away and that my past doesn't dictate my future. I am thankful for change. I am thankful for resolutions. Even if they are not on my terms...

Gratitude means I will stand tall. I can give to others regardless of anything received in return. That is NOT the expectation. Gratitude is from our heart. COMPLETELY...with no reservations. 

Gratitude is not entitlement...it is something that I can extend to another human being or better yet, to myself.  I am GRATEFUL for life...I am GRATEFUL that I CAN live in the moment of today. 

Remembering when living in the moment was carefree and nothing else mattered. 

Remembering when no matter what, I stood tall with my head held high just living in the moment. 

GRATITUDE...no matter what!

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Practicing Personal Self Care with a Busy Life - day 13 UBC

When I was able to work, there were days I burned the candle at both ends (figuratively speaking) in order to get everything accomplished in a day's time done.

Not only did I have a full-time job working 8 - 10-hour days, but I was a mom of three children, a wife, and I also had other obligations outside of the home. (i.e., boards, Praise Team, Bible Study, and PTA just to name a few). Below are pictures of my three children and me. The bottom photo also has my mom in it and my #2 child. These were taken between 1984 and 1994.

Many nights, I'd be washing clothes at midnight, vacuuming the house after the kids were put down for bed, and ensuring the kitchen was cleaned up before settling down for the night myself. The next morning, the cycle started all over again.... get up two hours before everyone else in the house did, take a shower, get my makeup on, and fix my hair. I'd then prepare breakfasts, lunches (if needed), and then wake up the three kids ranging in age from 10 - 2 years old. 

I'd get them ready for school, pack their lunches, make sure they had something to eat for breakfast, and out the door, we went...there was no time for self-care. I was caring for three little people and their needs. My needs always took a back seat to everyone else. Can you relate? I could have used some self-care tips back in the day, trust me! I should have learned that two-letter word NO many years ago! 

By the time I arrived at work, I was exhausted from the hectic schedule I maintained with little sleep most days. Now mind you, my kids are grown and have families of their own. I'm no longer working - - but there are days I feel like I still burn the candle at both ends with little to no sleep. I can thank my health for this today. There is a difference today though, I've learned how to ask for help if I need it with the housework and preparing the meals. There are even days I just don't do anything. I can't...and I don't! 

Trying to balance personal self-care with the busy life I led seemed almost impossible to my family, but I did it. Day in and day out...no, this wasn't and isn't healthy. Burn out was setting in. Frustration was setting in. Days were beginning to run into the next and I began getting sick...

I needed to balance my busy life, but how? Back in the day, for several years, I was a single mom (the middle photo above, I was a single mom with a newborn baby and two older children) - I didn't have the luxury of having a partner to assist with the housework, the cooking, the financial assistance, etc. I just had to figure it out. Like I mentioned above, self-care wasn't even in the equation other than the morning routine of showering (and in most days, that was rushed) out of necessity. 

I had routines. These were necessary to keep my life in check and keep me sane...but at times, even the routines were difficult to manage. But I did it...when I think back to how life was back in the day; I'm amazed I accomplished all the things I did. But guess what...I did it! Sure, I could have done things differently now that I think about them, but then - I just had to manage and manage I did. 

Do you have a busy life? If so, how do you balancing it all? 

Continue reading along to learn how to tweak a few things in your life to balance personal self-care with your busy life. 

How to Balance Practicing Personal Self Care with a Busy Life

One of the most difficult challenges a lot of people face with self-care is finding the time to fit it in. When you live a busy lifestyle, it can seem almost impossible to find extra time to look after you.

So, how can you balance practicing self-care with a busy lifestyle? Here, you’ll discover some great tips you can follow.

Schedule it in

A good tip you can follow to ensure you can fit self-care into your busy routine is to schedule it in. Think about it, you schedule in everything else, so why not self-care? When you set a time to focus on yourself, you are much more likely to stick to it. No matter how busy you think you are, there will always be time for self-care somewhere in your schedule.

Establish a morning routine

If you are struggling to find the best time of day to practice self-care, you might find it easier in the morning. If you’re a busy parent, you might disagree here but think about it. In the morning, you could get up just 30 minutes earlier, or 15 minutes if you want. This can be the perfect opportunity to practice self-care.

Alternatively, if you are a parent you could focus on self-care in the evenings when the kids have gone to bed. It doesn’t take long to practice self-care so you should always be able to squeeze it in somewhere.

Look at automating daily tasks

There are all kinds of tools and gadgets that can automate various aspects of our lives. If you are constantly busy, you’ll find automating certain tasks can be a game-changer.

For example, you could switch from going to the grocery store, to ordering groceries online. If you have items you frequently purchase, these can be added to your favorites list, making it easier to add them to your order next time. Doing your grocery shopping online can free up a lot of free time during the week that can be used on self-care.

Start small

You don’t have to start by completely overhauling your lifestyle. Instead, you can start small with self-care. Begin by taking just 10 minutes out of each day to focus on a self-care activity. Focus on developing one positive self-care habit at a time. Once you have mastered that, you can move on to the next task.

By starting small, it makes it easier to fit self-care into your busy life. Many people mistakenly think they need to begin with at least 30 minutes a day. The truth is, however, much time you can free up for self-care is enough. Once you get started, you’ll find it easier to start focusing more on self-care due to the benefits you experience.

Overall, balancing practicing self-care with a busy lifestyle isn’t easy. However, the tips above can really help. You’ll find a lot of tips online too from busy people just like you. Remember, self-care is essential to your health and wellbeing. So, no matter how busy you are, you should always try and make time for self-care daily.

Now that I have given you the equation of how to balance personal self-care with a busy life, what is the first thing you are going to change? Do you feel you would be able to manage life better if you were able to implement a few changes that enhanced balancing your self-care and busy life? 

Drop me a comment and let me know how you could achieve balancing personal self-care in your busy life. 

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Letter to Mom is Bittersweet - day 10 UBC Challenge

Dear Mom, 

I began working on this gift back before I moved to the Austin area from Lewisville. It was going to be your Christmas present for 2013...instead, I am sending it to you for Mother's Day 2014. 

Here on the pages of the book I created, I have shared a little bit of your life along with the memories - both good and maybe some bad, I really don't know...only you will know. 

It's day 10 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Earlier today, I was able to set time aside to begin the purging process of my lateral filing cabinet. This is something I do at the beginning of the new year. Yes, I'm a few weeks behind...but I was able to get it done today. Thank goodness! 

My crafting room thanks me too! Between this tub out and that tub out while I work on the current Junk Journal, it looks like the Tasmanian Devil has whirled through here. At least now, I can see the floor, my desktop, and the desk behind me. That's always a good feeling! Especially for a crafter. Can any of you relate? 

I knew that recycle day was soon approaching so I wanted to get this done sooner than later. As I went through each file folder, pulling this and pulling that, making a new folder for this and a new one for that - I ran across a letter I had written my mom on May 7, 2014. 

I glanced at the letter atop of many other file folders that I had already cleaned out. Many of the folders remained the same, only lighter after today. I read through the first page...set it aside and continued working on my folders. 

Picking the letter back up after a little bit, I began reading the next page...

I spent many, many hours in the back while living in Lewisville, you would always question why I always went to the back after work. Here I was working on a Christmas gift for you but couldn't say what it was I was doing...I wanted it to be a surprise. Mom, you never understood why I wanted to be in my own space in the wee hours of the night, but after you see your gift, you will understand. 

one of the layouts I had made for mom's gift

I hope you enjoy looking through the different pages I have created as much as I had looking for just the right pictures. I put some serious pictures as well as some quirky ones, I hope you get a laugh out of them, and maybe for a moment, you can step back in time when you were happy and at peace. I found myself chucking a time or two, too and I'm sure you might even shed a tear, as I did. 

Mom, I have always had a lot of questions without any answers and I thought one day, I might find them...it's evident to me now, that day will never come and the one person who holds them, is YOU. 

Setting the letter to the side once again, I finished up the filing cabinet and started cleaning off the other desk. I have two desks in my crafting room. The one I use and then the one that sets behind me with other things on it. Glue Books, Journals, cardstock, paper stock, a catch-all, etc. 

I stopped. I turned around, picked up the letter again, and read it completely. 

Mom, you know firsthand I am a fighter. I don't give up easily...this has been a true test for me as my first reaction was to say, to hell with it all and go about my merry way, but I can't do that. (I was battling Stage 4 Thyroid Cancer) I am resilient! I don't give up easily and if I have breath, there will be HOPE in my life to beat this thing called cancer.

Mom, I love you. I don't have the energy level in my body to deal with the family dynamics of chaos and negativity any longer. I need understanding and support for me just as much as the next person in our family. I've never been one to hold grudges and I'm not going to start now. I have so many questions without any answers but continue to choose to move forward. I have forgiven and I have moved on more times than anyone in this family and no one understands that. I'm continually being judged for things I've done many, many, many years ago by those who look me in the eyes and say, 'I love you'. I've had so many losses from people who live and breathe because they hold onto the past. They judge and they hold onto the words from others above anything I have said to set the record straight. Yet, I am always the one in the wrong...

Mom, I never understood why you said, "you felt your purpose in life was taken from you". I'm sorry you have scars in your heart and on your mind from emotional and mental pain that has been inflicted on you over and over and over. I'm sorry for the role I played in that hurt and pain. People don't deserve to be treated poorly. Mom, you ARE a wonderful human being...you have a lot of love, compassion, and a giving heart. I love you, mom...

Please accept this book as your Mother's Day present 2014 and know that I love you VERY much. I miss you. I miss seeing you. I miss your soft hands and your long-drawn-out hugs. I have those memories tucked away deep into my heart and my mind and will never lose sight of any of them.

My mom had just had emergency surgery to repair a ruptured colon. I was driving back and forth from the Austin area to DFW (Dallas/Ft Worth) to see her and check on her health care every weekend. She was in the hospital for thirty days, then in a rehab facility for another 30 days. This was in the latter part of September 2013.

In June of 2013, I relocated to the Round Rock, Texas area for a new position in the Mental Health Field. I had previously been working at one of the 9 State Hospitals in Texas for Behavioral Health. The new position I accepted opened up as a result of the company receiving a new grant to extend their mental health services.  At the time of my relocation, my family didn't move with me as I moved first to start my job, find a place to live, and get settled. Then they were going to join me. Within three months of moving (by myself), I learned I had cancer. Instead of returning to Lewisville, we decided my family would join me as soon as possible. Mom didn't want to move to the RR area, so we moved her back to Amarillo with my sister. This was December 2013. 

Per the doctor's advice, as sick as my mom was - they advised me 'not' to tell her about my cancer. For me, the cancer was fast and furious...and time was of the essence. My youngest daughter and I were traveling back and forth to MD Anderson, Houston, TX for treatment. I refrained to tell mom what was going on with me...looking back at that decision, I can see it was a huge mistake not telling her what was going on with me.  Mom didn't understand why she was moving back to Amarillo without seeing me. She couldn't even talk to me during this time, I was that sick. 

Unspoken words. Spoken words. Hearts were torn apart...things were said to my mom that I'll never understand to this day. Words that drove walls of resentment up between the both of us. Anguish, hurt, with no understanding. There were no words to make either one of us understand the events of the recent months in 2013. 

I was focused on my health and getting the treatment I needed. Mom never knew anything was wrong. We were protecting her because she was frail. She was feeble. She was dealing with a difficult recovery in her life too from the ruptured colon. We thought we were going to lose her a few times, but she was tough and pulled through. It was during this time, my sister and I learned that she had lost a baby. Neither one of us knew...

My mom and I were never close growing up. So much of my life's story, I don't understand. My mom saw me right after I was born, then again in November '62. Then she was gone again...her mom and stepfather raised me until they died in the 70's. Mom was gone for many years in the beginning...then again when I was in the 4th grade. I didn't see mom after that until they removed me from class in the 7th grade. It was then when I began hating her with a passion. 

me and mom, Nov. 1962

I continued reading the letter I had written that day in 2014 with tears streaming down my face...

Mom, please accept this book as your Mother's Day present 2014 and know that I love you VERY much. I miss you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. You ARE and will ALWAYS be forever in my heart and forever on my mind. 

                                                                    Happy Mother’s Day!

                                                                    Love, 

                                                                    *****

Continuing to sit at my desk trying to compose my thoughts, I soon realized the words I wrote my mother on that day in May...mean more to me today, than they did then. Mom will be gone for 1 year on the 28th of this month. 

Because of my health in the latter months of 2013 through 2014, it wasn't until early 2015 that I was able to see my mother after relocating to the Round Rock area. My youngest daughter took me to see her in the spring of 2015. We didn't tell my mom we were coming to Amarillo. We surprised her and boy, was she surprised. 

She told me after the shock of seeing me standing there in her doorway, that she thought she would never see me again. That was in 2015...here I am in 2021 and I will never see her again. 

I love you mom, I miss you...so many things left unsaid. So many questions with no answers. So much pain left unresolved.  

How many of you are dealing with unresolved issues today? How many of you have a void in your life because of loss over a loved one because of hurtful words spoken? Have you tried to make amends, ask for forgiveness, or even forgave the others who have hurt you? If not, how come? 

I'm thankful today that mom and I were able to put our differences aside, ask one another for forgiveness, and had what little time we had to shower each other with love and gratitude. I don't hold any anger or resentments towards mom for all the 'stuff' inflicted on my life for so many years when she was there and in her absence. 

Many times, those things were always never spoken of...they were swept under the rug and forgotten. Many of those memories today are still very raw in my mind as I am the one who lived through them. They molded me into the person I am today. They pushed me to be resilient. They drove me to dig deep and fight to be the bigger person. They also taught me humbleness, forgiveness, and gave me a sense of hope. Hope that things would not always be as they were but would be what I turned them into being. Those very same hurts were the catalyst of pushing me forward to grow stronger in my faith. It was faith that got me through the tough times in life. It IS faith that gets me through today...

I placed the letter back in the folder and tucked it away in the filing cabinet. I smiled and looked around my crafting room where I have tender memories of mom all over the place. 

The Angel Doll I gave her shortly after I got married at 17 years old. 

The singing bear that sings, "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. 

The Thomas Kincaid floral arrangement that I gave her a few years ago. She felt bad, because it got knocked off her dresser and broke, but they glued it back together. 

Her ashes set close to the flower arrangement. Tucked away out of harms way up on the shelf...

In my bedroom, is the shadow box I made with all of the handcrafted things I had made and sent to her over the years. They were all sent back to me after mom's death. She had kept these close to her heart in her room at the Nursing Home. Inside of the shadow box is the Memory Album I made myself for Mothers Day 2020. There is also a Journal I sent mom years ago. She has a few things written inside of it...

I'm thankful today that mom and I were able to move past all the hurts, the pain that was inflicted by both of us at different times in our lives before she passed away. I still wonder at times though, if she ever truly knew just how much I loved her. I will never know...that makes my heart sad. 

Don't allow resentment, anger, or pride to stand in the way of making amends with people you love. We are not promised tomorrow. Don't wait until it's too late. 

 

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Crafting, Scrapbooking, Mixed Media and Altered Art - day 9 of the UBC Challenge

Here we are on day 9 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Time is zipping by faster than fast. If you have been following my blogs, you know by now that I have two favorite pastimes genealogy and crafting. The latter of the two is what I'm going to share with you today.

Crafting and Creativity

Before I begin though, I want to apologize for the white space around my photos. This drives me batty. Ever since Blogger did some upgrades last year, I have not for the life of me been able to figure out 'how' to remove it. I've looked on YouTube, I've googled it, and nothing I do seems to work. IF you know how to remove the white borders, please let me know. I would very much appreciate it!!!

C R E A T I V I T Y - have you ever looked up the word? The Oxford Dictionary defines creativity as the use of the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of artistic work. 

Are you an artistic person? If so, what do you create? Maybe a painter, or a craftsman of a particular medium related to art? I tend to dabble in a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Scrapbooking, Mixed Media, Altered Art, Junk Journals, Paper Crafting - my mind is always thinking of ways I can use things I see laying on the ground or along the side of the road in my craft projects.

I find crafting and creativity to be extremely therapeutic and relaxing for the most part. Sometimes though, when I am under the gun on time (so to speak) ...I feel flustered if I don't have the time needed to completely focus on my project. It stresses me out more than I care to admit. I'm having to juggle hours in the day and many times, end up staying up into the wee hours of the morning to work in the quietness of the darkness just so I can focus and complete the task at hand. Have you ever found yourself in a position like this while crafting? How do you handle it? 

Crafting is one of the coping tools. Many years ago, when I was going through a very dark time in my life, I learned about coping tools and the role they play in a person's life. I found crafting to be my happy place. My calm. My respite. I can literally lose myself to all matter of time when I am crafting and in the zone. 

I do this too when I am 'walking with the ancestors'. I can't tell you how many times I have sat down at my desk at 6:00 a.m. in the morning, only to get up for the random bathroom breaks or to let the dog outside, only to look at the clock and see that the day has almost come to an end! Yes, it's those days that I am truly in the zone...I haven't had many of those days lately. These days, I'm good to get 2 or 3 hours of quality time crafting and/or genealogy on any day. 

When I started out, I was crafting your typical scrapbook layouts. I didn't have any of the fancy scissors, scoring boards, unique themed papers, or even one sheet of Designer paper in my possession. 

What I did have were old magazines, a pair of sewing scissors, and a bottle of Elmer's Glue, or maybe even a glue stick. I also had plenty of letters (A-Z in assorted font size and styles), words, and random pictures (flowers, people, landscapes, etc.) cut out or torn by hand and sorted by letter or image in folders I made from cereal boxes. 

one of my early scrapbook pages

I have been doing this type of crafting since I was in my childhood. Through the years, I began adding little things to my crafting accessories. A better pair of scissors. Better wet adhesive. Even double-sided tape.

early scrapbooking

a layout my daughter created in one of my books

Over the years, I have had my crafting area set up on a small worktable. The kitchen table, on a folding table, In two regular-sized bedrooms and now I am in a smaller bedroom with so many wonderful things I could probably open a small store. 

from this to...

this

I have given things away, sold things, and even donated crafting goodies to different organizations. I have been destashing now for a while. I don't craft like I once did, and the goodies are overwhelming today. I look around me and think to myself I need to make this; I need to do that. I have that tub of photos that need to be scrapbooked and so forth and so on...I'm sure you get the picture. 

Through the years, I piddled with mixed media projects. I even have done a few altered art projects. I incorporated both techniques into my scrapbooking. I even started sewing on my scrapbook layouts. It's mind-boggling where a crafter's mind goes while trying to create. Do you feel like this when you craft? If so, how do you harness it, or do you go with the flow of the creativity? 

Would you believe me if I told you the flowers in the last photo above were from a toilet seat cover? They were...creativity, the options are so many. 

I've had to downsize my inventory a great deal since we relocated a couple of years ago. We moved into a smaller house with less room. I mean...a RIDICULOUSLY small house. THIS created a huge dilemma for me and my crafting goodness. My husband and son in law jokingly say, "I have more stuff in my craft room than there is in the rest of the house". That might be true, but I am destashing even still today.  Gone are the days of having two large bedrooms set up with all my crafting goodness to feeling like I am going to be swallowed up by the crafting abyss at times. I continue to destash here and there. 

I have gotten rid of my Cricut and all the accessories. I have sold rubber and acrylic stamps and sets from time to time. I still have a huge amount of them that are sitting in a tub not being used. 

I have sold paper and embellishments that I no longer want or need. I have sold lace, flowers, ribbons, and everything else in between. At one time, I even posted to sell the entire room for a nice sum of money. I had a few bites, but they wanted me to practically give the stuff away. I am generous and have given many things away over the years...but I have a small fortune wrapped up with all this goodness. 

I'm creating more Junk Journals today than before. Mixed media and altered art come into play nearly every time I set down to bring one of my journals to life. I have fun creating beautiful things from my heart and soul. 

I have a few mixed media canvas ideas floating around in my head that I want to tackle here in the next few weeks. But until then...I'll continue working on Junk Journals and whatever else comes to mind. Creativity...it never stops. 

I'm still in the process of downsizing my crafty goodness. My loss will be somebody else's gain. I hope they find comfort and enjoyment out of it all like I have so many times. Don't fret though, I'm NOT getting rid of all of it...

CREATIVITY, what are you creating today? 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

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Italian Roots - trip to New York City, 1998 / day 8 UBC Challenge

My Ethnic background includes Italy. 32% Southern and 17% Northern. My paternal grandparents were from Mistretta, Messina, Italy. Two years ago, I was told by a nephew on my paternal lines, my grandmother was from Sicily. Looking at an Italian map, Messina is in the further most corner of Sicily near the region of Calabria. With that said, both of my grandparents were indeed from Sicily. 

They traveled to the United States of America on a vessel named, Liguria. Both of them and their son traveled from Naples, Italy. They arrived in America by way of Ellis Island, NYC. 

I visited Ellis Island once. We went on a family vacation to New York City in April of 1996. I remember standing there inside of the commons area listening to the stories of the Immigrants who had traveled to America. Many with nothing but the clothes on their backs. With tears running down my face, I was deeply moved by the stories I heard. I felt a connection. My people came to America and their stories were like the ones I was standing there listening to. My family thought something was wrong with me but there wasn't. I was deeply moved listening to the journeys of so many wanting to live the dream of HOPE in America, risking it all just to have an opportunity of a new beginning. 

My grandfather was born in 1880 and my grandmother was born in 1886.  He received his Naturalization Papers from the United States on March 26, 1909, in the state of Connecticut. 

To their union were ten children. The oldest son was born in Mistretta, Italy. The man who was my birth father was their third child. 

I grew up knowing I was 50% Italian and always felt there was a void in my life because I didn't know my paternal lines. This part of my life was rarely discussed by anyone in my family. Today, much of the same still exists...although I do have a dialogue with many individuals from my paternal side who I have met via DNA matches thanks to Ancestry DNA. I have become more vocal today than ever before with regards to my Italian roots. 

My mother’s second husband adopted me after they were married. He gave me his name on paper and raised me as his own. I was two years old. 

Something that has been on my bucket list as far back as I can remember is to travel to the beautiful land of Italy. 

The closest I have come to my Italian roots were when we visited NYC. We visited Little Italy. (NOT that there is any comparison to the country of Italy). There is no comparison in my book. 

There in Little Italy was a billboard with two Italian ladies in a kitchen setting. My son snapped a picture of me with my hands up as if I was saying "delizioso". 

That translates into DELICIOUS in English. I don't speak the Italian language, although I wish I did...

I have not had the opportunity of traveling to Italy yet, but both of my daughters have. In fact, months apart from one another. They visited different regions in the country at two different times. My oldest daughter visited Italy right before the outbreak of the COVID Pandemic. Due to our relationship being estranged, silently I was genuinely concerned for her health after they returned back to the States.  

It has been eight long years of heartache, tears, and many questions with no answers since 2013. Not my choice, but hers.  For now, I have learned how to pick up my head and move forward, not holding onto the pain and the void in my heart but holding onto HOPE that one day there will be amends between us both before it's too late. 

I was able to see the beauty of Florence, Rome, and Venice through the eyes of my youngest daughter and her husband when they took their trip in September 2019. I suppose, my youngest grandson has also been there too since they were expecting their first child during this trip. (I joke and call him the world traveler already. Little does he know...he has already traveled so many places during his year in the making). :-) Get the kiddo a Passport little momma...

Below are a few photos from their trip...

My youngest daughter and her husband.
She was expecting a baby in this photo. 

My heart is pleased they had the opportunity of visiting this beautiful country. Rich with history, stories, and family legacies. Also known for delicious food, too!

Recently, I received a recipe called, Bagna. The true name of it is, Bagna Cauda. It's a good thing I didn't know how to cook this before now because it is highly addictive. In a good way, that is! Who knew anchovies were good in a hot-dip? Yes, I said, anchovies...I know, you are probably thinking yuck - but let me tell you. They dissolve in the sauce and unless a person knew they were in there, they would never know. 

Bagna is cooked with anchovies which are high in Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids. These can help lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart disease. 

Unbeknownst to me, anchovies are also a good source of essential vitamins and minerals, such as Vitamin E, Vitamin D, Calcium and Selenium. Guess what, when you eat Bagna Cauda, you are eating something healthy. Not only with the anchovies that have dissolved through the cooking process, but you are also getting the benefits that come with garlic, too.  Some of these benefits include, but not limited to, better blood pressure (hey, I need to eat garlic like candy, then!) just kidding!!! Other benefits garlic has to offer is stronger bones, better memory, and reduced risk of Heart Disease. You can read more about the benefits of garlic at Life in the Golden Years. 

 I shared a post recently with regards to my daughter stepping in to assist with the making of Bagna for the Superbowl game. If you want to check it out, look for my post called, In the Kitchen with my Daughter - day 7 of the UBC Challenge. 

After reading my post, a fellow blogger asked if I knew the origin of the recipe. I did not, but I assumed it must have come from Italy. I replied, "I'd research and let her know"...guess what, you are now reading that research! What do you think so far? Interested in continuing? Want to know more about my heritage? Want to know more about my personal life's journey? Have you been to Italy? Better yet, have you tried the recipe yet? If not, what are you waiting for? 

By now, you are probably wondering what Bagna Cauda is. I've given you two of the ingredients already...but there is more. Have you googled it yet? I'll save you the time, it is a hot-dip. The definition of Bagna cauda means "hot dip", or "hot gravy". It is a hot dish made from garlic and anchovies, originating in Piedmont, Italy during the 16th century. 

That confirms my assumption that it originated in Italy. I wanted to say this in my reply but wanted to research the truth before I answered because these days, everything is fact checked. 

Not knowing where Piedmont, Italy was exactly, I researched it further. I learned that Piedmont is a region in extreme northwestern Italy in the Alpine foothills. 

Northwestern Italy...now my mind was wondering where this was in conjunction with Sicily where my people were from. I had no idea...so I researched even further. After looking and studying a map of Italy, I learned that the two areas were 983.5 miles away from each other. My daughter was in Northern Italy when she visited Florence, Rome, and Venice. Florence is about 4 1/2 hours from Piedmont. She was further away from Sicily. 

I asked my daughter if they had eaten Bagna cauda while they were there and she said, 'no'. However, they did eat some amazing looking food. Look. 

After posting these pictures, especially the last one, I am hungry now. I enjoy eating different types of cheeses with fruits, nuts, and assorted meats. But no Bagna Cauda...on their part. By the way, it's late and I didn't get anything to eat, either. 

During my research, I learned that the hot-dip or hot gravy was originated to make limited winter vegetables more enticing. In my post I wrote previously, I had mentioned people eat it with cabbage, broccoli, and bread. I knew this firsthand because my husband's family in Illinois eat it religiously when they have family gatherings and or parties when we go up there to visit from Texas. (no, they aren't Italian, but there are many early settlers of Italian Descent in the area even still today).

I also learned that Bagna cauda was also a popular mid-morning meal for those individuals working in the vineyard who needed a snack on a damp, chilly morning. I thought to myself, a mid-morning meal consisting of anchovies and garlic? I'm sure people around me wouldn't appreciate the smell of garlic and anchovies sweating out of my pores for days on end after eating Bagna cauda. At least, this is the story my husband has told me since the day we got married in 2000. The funny thing is though, it took me until 2019 to ever try it. Now I'm hooked...! No, I don't sweat anchovies and garlic as I don't cook mine with the amounts the recipe calls for. I suppose one day I should - maybe I will wait until Texas hits the triple-digit temperature days. Then maybe, my pores will sweat the smell of this pungent hot dip. 

The difference between Bagna cauda and the one I use is olive oil. I don't use that in my recipe. I also use anchovies in water and occasionally, I will substitute the anchovies with sardines. Also, in water. 

In the local grocery stores where I shop; anchovies are not easily found - so sardines are the go-to. I have made Bagna both ways. I can't tell the difference except when I open the individual cans. Both are strong in smell, I won't deny that. 

According to explore Food and Wine, sardines are known to have a white flesh and taste fishier, while anchovies on the other hand are darker, reddish grey flesh because of the curing process.    

After researching the background of Bagna Cauda, I wondered if my grandparents and paternal family ate this hot-dip or hot gravy. I suppose I'll never know...but for now, I eat it and have taught my daughter how to make this delicious dish. Hopefully, she will pass it down to her children and share the story of her mom and her Italian roots. 

When we visited my husband's family in October of 2020, we had Bagna cauda several times. I told my sister-in-law, that it was like an Alfredo Sauce and suggested that she could make it according to the recipe she had and replace the anchovies with parmesan cheese and possibly even cream cheese. In fact, even as I write this...the more I think about it, I wouldn't even replace the anchovies. I'd just leave them in there and add the parmesan cheese and maybe even the cream cheese. This would make it thicker for sure. I think next time I make Bagna, I'm going to play around with the recipe. I'll let you know how it turns out. 

I for one don't like eating Bagna with veggies, but many people do. You can eat it with raw or cooked vegetables such as radishes, cabbage, and cauliflower florets. I prefer eating it with bread. Right out of the bag or even toasted in the oven. Both will work. Why don't you try the recipe and let me know what your preference is, with vegetables or with bread, maybe both? I'll share my recipe with you again at the end of my post. 

During my research, I also learned that Bagna Cauda is good with steak. I am going to try that one of these days. In our freezer is a package of scallops. I may have to break out the Bagna from the freezer, grab the scallops and enjoy a delicious romantic meal very soon. I don't think my husband likes scallops, though. I suppose I could do shrimp instead...

I almost forgot to tell you that in the refrigerator, Bagna will last four days if it is in an airtight container. In the freezer, it will last up to four months, but there will be some separation. When you remove it, let it thaw at room temperature, then heat it up on low heat and stir it constantly. It will eventually come back to its normal consistency.

My time is coming to an end for now...I need to lay my head down and close my eyes. I hope you will try the recipe and let me know what you think. 

Until then...enjoy! 

BAGNA RECIPE 

3 sticks of butter 

1 pound of chopped garlic 

(about 6 heads - use every clove) 

3 cans of Anchovies

 (can substitute Sardines) 

1 pt. Whipping Cream 

1 pt. Half and Half 

In a cast-iron skillet, melt the butter one stick at a time on medium to low until all three sticks are melted.  

Add the chopped garlic. Stir constantly, scraping the bottom and the sides until all the garlic has dissolved into the butter. (The garlic will begin to stick). At this time, you can add more butter if needed.  

Add the Anchovies/Sardines, stirring until they dissolve. Still on low-medium heat...scraping the sides and the bottom.  

Next, stir in the Half and Half and the Whipping Cream. Stirring constantly and slowly. Scraping, the sides and the bottom. A crust will begin to make. When this happens, you know your Bagna is done.  

Serve Bagna with toasted French bread, loaves of white bread, celery, cabbage, broccoli, and other vegetables you like.  

It is delicious!!! 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
h2hsc2020

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