Day 6 - 3 Things I am Thankful For

May 6, 2020


Today in Pinkmama's Place Self-Love Challenge, the prompt was "Name 3 things I AM Thankful For". 

I am thankful for my FAMILY, FRIENDSHIPS, AND FORGIVENESS. 

FAMILY - If I can be brutally honest, at times I have a love/hate relationship with my family. They haven't always been supportive of me, protected me, or loved me the way I feel families should. I know at times I haven't always been the loving daughter, caring mother, or understanding person. Family is family, regardless. Families are made from the heart.

The family is supposed to protect. I have felt abandoned by mine. The family is supposed to forgive. Mine holds grudges and doesn't let the past go. The family is supposed to love. My family always puts conditions on their love for me. Yes, it is quite sad, to say the least...but I didn't have the opportunity of choosing my family, it was chosen for me. Family isn't supposed to cause heartache and hurts. I've lost count how many times my family has ripped my heart into a million pieces. The family is supposed to be trustworthy. I will leave this right here.

I would move mountains for my family if I could. My love runs deeper than oceans for them. I have forgiven family so many times. I wished they did the same for me. I will always love my family regardless of the pain and angst they have caused me at times. My love isn't conditional. That will never change...doesn't mean I like them!

"Family is where life begins & love never ends"

FRIENDSHIPS - I'm very grateful for the people I call friends. They are the ones who have lifted me up when I've been down. They are the ones who have been my constant when others choose not to be around. Friendships are very valuable. A true friend can tell you the brutal truth and yet, nothing changes in the relationship.

"A true friend knows your weakness, but reminds you of your strengths"

                                                                                             ~I like to quote.com~

FORGIVENESS - Forgiveness means many different things to different people. For me, forgiveness means not holding grudges or resentment. Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is compassion. Forgiveness doesn't mean a person can continue to say I'm sorry over and over without any true repentance or change in their actions, words, or choices. Forgiveness doesn't mean to do a person wrong. Forgiveness is love. Forgiveness is understanding. Forgiveness is all-encompassing. Forgiveness means true repentance. Forgiveness means peace and peace of mind. Forgiveness means moving forward. Forgiveness means building relationships. Forgiveness doesn't mean a person can forget, but they can move forward after true forgiveness is given.

"Forgiveness is a difficult process. But it's easier if you forgive yourself first"

                                                                                 ~Anonymous~

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H2hsc2020

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Beautiful YOU

28 Apr 2020
The Ultimate Blog Challenge
Beautiful YOU

Beauty they say is only skin deep. I never really understood what that meant growing up  - but as I got older and wiser, I get it now. Many years ago when I battled mental health issues, I was a cutter. I cut not for the feel-good factor or anything like that. I cut out of trying to release all of the inner pains I felt from abandonment, trauma, PTSD, sexual molestation, feelings of being less than, and feelings of not being seen as beautiful.

I thought if they (family and others don't see me as beautiful) then I would make myself fit that mold of unbeautiful. Cutting for me started during my second marriage (it was very short-lived I might add - less than two years). The emotional turmoil that I endured during this marriage was a force to be reckoned with. I was made to feel like I needed to 'fit' in the molds of this person or that person. The other party wanted me to dress like this person and that one as well as carry myself in certain ways. They wanted me to possess 'fake' beauty. 

In my teen years, I thought I was a beautiful young lady, but those feelings quickly changed as life happened and this event occurred and that event occurred. I no longer possessed outward or inner beauty. I saw myself as ugly in every sense of the word. 

Fast forward from the time I began cutting in 1994 to the current day of 2020. I no longer cut, but the scars on my body tell a story of the pain I once carried. At times, I've considered covering them up - but why should I? They show where I've been and where I am today. They show the journey of life and how I've overcome the stumbling blocks which I've turned into stepping stones. I'm not proud that I resorted to such horrific measures, but I am proud that I have the life experience and the ability to share my personal lived experiences of HOPE with others who may be struggling with their internal beauty and self-awareness.

The word beautiful encompasses many things for many people. Have you ever stopped and really considered what the true meaning of the word is? Let me help you...

Webster's Dictionary describes BEAUTIFUL like this:

adjective

1. *pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.

       *of a very high standard; excellent

When I think of the word beautiful, the first thing that comes to mind is flowers. They are pretty, they are pleasing and they are beautiful (in most cases). 

When I think of people and their beauty, my mind immediately goes to Hollywood where 'plastic surgery' has altered one's look to achieve beauty. Average people want to look like so many of them and they will take whatever measures to obtain that look. I have my personal feelings around this and I won't get into that debate today. 

People also possess inner beauty. That is the one thing I look at most in a person. Often times, I can tell how a person 'truly' is by examining their heart. No, I'm not a heart surgeon or anything like that. What I mean is, I listen to their words, I watch how they carry themselves. I listen to their stories. We can learn a great deal by looking at a person's inner beauty. 

My youngest daughter is a professional wedding photographer. I'm amazed at the beautiful imagery she captures when her camera is in her hands. Not only does she capture the Bride in her beautiful, amazing, and many times stunning dresses - she is able to capture the very essence of beauty in everything that surrounds those particular days. She even captures the little nuances that many times are overlooked. She sees these as beautiful memories for her Brides and Grooms. 

Beauty today is achieved by many different avenues. Some people have natural beauty while others have to work at it. A tuck here and a tuck there. A lift here and a lift there. Get the idea? Inner beauty is the same. If life has dealt a person a bad hand, their inner beauty may be representative of this as it was in my case for many years. I didn't see myself as beautiful on any level. I sabotaged the inner beauty I had out of the pain I had been dealt with from circumstances and from others. 

Many times, I found myself standing in front of a mirror and asking, "Mirror, Mirror on the wall - whos the fairest of them all"? Have you ever felt like that? Honestly? After my last mental health breakdown in 2005, I created a scrapbook called, My Mental Health. I remember making a page with the mirror context as mentioned above. I had a photo of myself looking into a mirror and the mirror was shattered. This represented so many things for me. Today, when I look back on those pages, I can feel the pain jump off of them. I can sense the dark places I was in and I'm very thankful I have been set free from my own self-doubt and self-sabotage in life. How did I do it? It wasn't easy. I had to work at flipping the switch and quit settling with the concept that I was dealt a bad hand so I needed to make the best of it. I wanted to change. I NEEDED change. I didn't want to settle anymore. I wanted more for myself and for my life. I wanted to feel beautiful inside. I didn't care about my outward appearance. Remember, beauty is only skin deep...and it could be altered in so many ways on any given day. 

Being beautiful inwardly is more important to me than being beautiful on the outside. I feel that way because there will always be someone more beautiful than me. I'm not competing with anyone or anything. Inward beauty is truth. It is honest. It is real. A person can't fake inward beauty. 

I'm my own BEAUTIFUL ME! Have you found your Beautiful YOU yet? If not, what keeps you from doing so? Are you holding yourself to other standards or expectations? If you are, then stop it as you'll never achieve who you are truly meant to become. If others are making you feel that way, take a step back and reevaluate their place in your life. You might need to remove the toxicity of that relationship in order to find the 'true Beautiful YOU". 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

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R is for Ribbon

21 Apr 2020
A to Z Challenge

Today's letter is R. To me, that equates to ribbon, ribbon, ribbon. In my crafting supplies, I have all kinds of ribbons. Narrow ones, wide ones, yellow ones, red ones, all sorts of sizes, and colors.

I have them organized in tubs by color.

I even have a tub that has scrap ribbon in it. Those bits and pieces that I use for layering and to tuck here and there on other projects.

The Encyclopedia.com says that ribbons appeared when civilizations began crafting fabric. They are among the oldest decorative and adorning materials.

I continued reading the article from the mentioned website above and learned that ribbons have been around since the 1500s and by the 17th Century, ribbons had stormed the fashion world.

Today, not only can we find ribbons being used by seamstresses, we can find many people using ribbons. For instance, the mother who is putting their daughter's hair up in a ponytail. They may use a big fancy bow on top to adorn the ponytail. My girls never liked anything like this in their hair. In my crafting stash, I have some of these ponytails with ribbons. I use them in my journals.

Ribbons are used in homecoming mums. Like the ones, I made my daughter a few years ago. (they have continued to get larger and larger each year). The ones I saw High School girls wearing were insane. They were ginormous!!!

11th gr. 2012

12th gr. 2013

I might add, the bottom mum I made with one hand as I had just had Carpal Tunnel surgery and my hand was in a cast. That was a difficult task let me tell you...

We can also find ribbons on wedding dresses, in floral arrangements, and in many more items.

I enjoy using ribbons in my crafts to compliment what I am creating. I've used them on cards, in mixed media, on tags, and in journals.

I've even made paper straw wands and used ribbons on them, too. They look like something like this...I will show all angles of the paper straw wand.

Several different sizes of ribbons were used to make the bows. These are fun to make! (Anytime my daughter is in Target, she hits up the $1.00 bins for paper straws. I have an ample supply of them organized by color).

I use ribbons all the time in my creations. Like most everything else pertaining to crafting, I LIKE ribbon!!!

Tag I made in 2018

Tag I made for my mom on Mother's Day 2017

Tag I made for a pocket in a journal_2017

This was made FOR me by a friend in 2018 using ribbons

So you see, ribbons can be used on so many different things. R = RIBBONS!!! 

Have any ribbons?

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
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P is for Painted Papers

18 Apr 2020
A to Z Challenge
P is for Painted Papers

Painted Paper Flowers by Hannah R. (my daughter), 2005

P is for PAINTED PAPERS. Have you ever painted paper? I hadn't until I participated in a swap several years ago. A person doesn't have to know the technique or even be an artist or crafter to paint papers. I found it to be very calming and it was so easy a child could do it.

I find crafting to be very therapeutic and what a GREAT stress reliever - paint papers!!!

Grab a few paintbrushes, any kind of paper, some paint, water and relieve that stress. A person could be very meticulous in what they paint, and others could just let the paper and the brush flow. That's what I do. When I'm painting papers, I don't think about what I'm painting. I just stroke the brush against the paper and let it decide for itself. Like this one...

Painted paper I did 2 years ago

I painted the paper blue first, then went back with the yellow. This is what I go...I found it spoke to me so I left it alone.

Remember my post with the letter N? I walked you through a step by step canvas with mixed media and napkins. The leftover paint I had on the paper plate from that post made these painted papers. 

In some of the papers I can see the beginnings of flowers, can you? All I did was lay a piece of paper on the paper plate and pressed my hand against it. Waaaalalalalah! PAINTED PAPERS! 

I don't know what I'll use these papers for, but for now, I have them stored in the organizer with the rest of my painted papers. (I'll probably use them in journals, make cards with them or even use them on mixed media projects). Who knows...I don't at this point. 

I never turn my crafting head off. If I'm working on one thing, I always end up with something else after the fact, like these papers. My intention was to throw the paper plate away and the more I looked it, I just couldn't bring myself to do so without saving more of the paint. Do any of you find yourself with that dilemma? Sometimes it can be a good thing and other times, I tell myself NO - do not do it! LOL 

The next time you are bored or want a project to do with the kids, grab those paintbrushes and start creating your masterpiece. Who knows, you might just be the next Rembrandt! 

PAINTED PAPERS...

a PAINTED PAGE out of one of my Glue Book

P is for Painted Papers. 

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H2hsc2020

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