Day 22 What Do You Love About Your Life - Self Love

Day twenty-two in the Self-Love Challenge. The daily prompt asked us what we loved about ourselves. 

Like the rest of the daily prompts, this particular one squeezes me too. I do not like talking about myself on any level. I would much rather put everyone else above me and my wants, needs, and desires. Now I am asked about what I love about myself...oh my. 

Okay, I will take a jab at this. A few things I love about myself are: 

1. my smile
2. my loyalty
3. my wit
4. my creativity
5. my hair
6. my freckles (I did NOT always like them though)! When I was a teenager, I tried to scrub them off with lemon juice. All that did was irritate my face for days...
7. my determination
8. my perseverance
9. my resilience
10. my desire to NOT settle

I will use these for future blogs. In the meantime, what do you love about yourself? 

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Day 29 What Does Self-Love Mean to You

The prompt for Day 29 in the Self-Love Challenge was "what does self-love mean to me"? 

Something that I am not good at doing is putting myself first. I think this is what self-love means in all honesty. After all, who is going to take care of my needs and my wants better than me, right? 

I view self-love as tending to my personal needs, wants, and desires. I struggle with doing this daily though. I tend to put other's needs before my own. Whether it is materialistic, physical, or emotional. However, I do not get the same courtesy. 

Maybe it is time to start putting myself first daily. This way, when I get let down the only person, I need to blame is me. 

Now that I have settled this thought - let me get to taking care of myself. 

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Day 23 What Skills Do You Have That Will Help You Get To Your Dream - Self Love

In the Self-Love Challenge, day 23 asked us about the skills we have that will help us get to our dreams in life.

Pondering that question for a long time, I had to ask myself what dreams do I have now in life? I mean come on...I am a mother of three grown children, a wife, a person who lives with health issues and the story goes on and on. What kind of dreams can I have today?

Back in the day, I was proud to say I was a 'quick study'. Today, with all my health issues - my memory is not as sharp as it was. I can be doing something one minute and the next moment, forget what it was I was doing. So frustrating...

Thinking about the dreams I have had in the past for my life - many were just that, a dream. Unfulfilled. Lifeless. Unaccomplished. How many of you have had dreams like this? Have you replaced those abandoned dreams of yesterday with new dreams for your today or tomorrow? I am having a hard time thinking about the dreams I have today.

The skills I possessed looked like this but were not limited to the following:

• Quick Study
• Problem Solver
• Organization
• Critical Thinking Skills
• Communication
• Strong Decision - Making
• Public Speaking
• Teamwork
• Leader
• Management
• Creativity
• Adaptability
• Self-Motivation

Looking at this list, I still possess many of these skills today that would help me achieve my dreams. I would need to tweak a few of them though since I no longer work outside of the home. I guess I could and would 'manage' myself! LOL 

In life, everyone has skills. Some do not realize their own potential because it has not been nurtured. I know for myself; I strive to learn daily. Whether it is by hands-on, reading or even visual - I want to learn each day. Learning is knowledge. The more I equip myself with skills, the more valuable I become. What am I worth? I cannot put a dollar amount on that, but if I am learning and applying what I know - that is priceless! 

What is your value in life? 

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Day 20 What Sets Your Heart On Fire - Self Love Challenge

Day 20 in the Self-Love Challenge, "what sets your heart on fire"?

As I am playing catch up on a few blogs, I finally reached the last post that I need to write and I will be all caught up. My fingers are doing the happy dance across the keyboard! LOL

As I sit here to write this post, the song, YOU SAY by Lauren Daigle comes on Pandora. I actually wrote about this song in another challenge I'm in earlier today. This song completely sweeps through my being. Every high. Every low...every emotion I feel at any given moment. It literally encompasses my entire being. 

Timing is everything, right?

Music sets my heart on fire. Love sets my heart on fire. Worth sets my heart on fire. Feeling that I matter sets my heart on fire. Believing all of these things sets my heart on fire.

A line in the song, You Say goes like this...

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And You say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe

Knowing that I matter to my Heavenly Father sets my heart on fire...

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Day 19 What Do You Love About Life

Day 19's prompt in the Self-Love Challenge asked, "What Do You Love About Life"?  Life itself. You see not long ago, I was literally fighting to stay alive due to some major health complications. 

I'll share a little bit about one of my experiences with you...

I went to the hospital on June 28th, 2016 for a routine procedure that involved a Bronchoscopy, an Endoscopy, and a Largynscopy The doctor was looking to see if I had a mass around my vocal cords as my voice started changing and the cough wasn't going away. He was thinking maybe something had happened during the Thyroidectomy in 2014 that created this mass and needed to be sure so he would know how to move forward with my treatment of care.

While sitting in the recovery room waiting to go home after the procedure, the nurse asked me to take a sip of water. When I did, I began choking, had excruciating pain in my back and chest, and couldn't catch my breath. They immediately took me back for a CT scan to find that my esophagus had been ruptured and now it had become a matter of life and death for me. I needed to have emergency surgery in hopes of repairing the damage caused by the doctor who did the original procedure. During this time, my lung also collapsed. I was rushed to ICU until they got the treatment team in place. (the last thing I remember is - being held up on the CT scan machine by 6 men).

My family was contacted at 3:30 a.m. to return to the hospital immediately as I could die during this surgery. Once they arrived, they took me back for emergency surgery. I was in ICU for 3 days on a ventilator, life support machine, this tube - that tube...had NG tubes in my nose and chest tubes hanging out of my side. I also had 17 staples across my left backside and up under my left breast. This is where they entered to do emergency surgery. I was on all kinds of iv antibiotics and a ton of different medications. I went to Code Blue status 3 times during this ordeal... I remember like it was yesterday seeing my life unfold from the time I was a baby until the current day. It was so surreal - like watching a home movie of my life. I knew I had been walking with the Angels at that point....not to mention being strapped to the bed so I wouldn't / couldn't move.

I laid in the hospital for 47 days unable to eat anything. This machine, that machine and all the tubes are known to man stretching out across my body. They were giving me iv nutrition. I had 2 different pik lines in my arm and chest. Once the ng tube was removed, I began trying to take in clear liquids. This resulted in a great deal of nausea and vomiting. It has been a very slow process trying to eat again. At one time, the doctors indicated I may never eat again...my life as I knew it has been altered. The doctors even said during all of my doctor's visits after being discharged, eating may be a thing of the past for me and I possibly may end up on a lifelong feeding tube...so as you see, This has been a very traumatic and emotional experience for both me and my family.

Many nights, the doctor would come into my room in the wee hours of the morning - stand at the foot of my bed and say, "people die from this type of injury...you need to move forward very slow...he would always say, this only happens to about 1 in 10,000 and I was the 'lucky' one". Each week in the hospital, I had a CT scan with barium to see how the rupture was healing. It is still there but contained. However, when I get sick - I take a chance of reopening the hole.

When I was discharged from the hospital, I was told to eat soft foods. Well, as many of you know...that didn't go over very well and the doctor put me on a strict liquid diet for three months. Going back and forth to the emergency room due to extreme nausea, abdominal pains and unable to keep liquids down - I still am on a strict liquid diet until the end of November - the first part of December. It is quite difficult as there isn't much to partake of on a daily basis other than soup, broth, yogurt, ice cream, and protein drinks. I have made a few smoothies, but the last time I saw the doctor - he told me that I could not have the fruit of any kind so that nixes the smoothie idea.

During the last doctor's visit in early 2017, I learned that in order for them to access where the rupture was, they had to remove ribs and stretch my rib cage apart. (Now wouldn't you think they would have mentioned that in the hospital?)...No, they didn't - NOT a word.

I must have esophageal stretches every 4 - 6 months now for the rest of my life because on any given day, my esophagus could completely close from the scar tissue. 

So you see, I do NOT take any day for granted. I cherish life and I value everyone that is in my circles. This is what I love about life...being able to live and saying, "I have survived"! 

What do you love about life? 

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Day 18 What Does Your Best Day EVER Look Like

Recently in the Self-Love Challenge, the daily prompt was, "what does your best day EVER look like"?  That's easy for me to expound on.

The best day for me ever is when I am at peace with myself. When nothing else matters. That's when I have the best day ever!

There are many other things that make my days good, but to be completely the BEST day ever - that would have to be hands down, when I am at peace with self.


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Day 17 What Makes You Unique

I'm making progress in the Self-Love Challenge hosted by Pinkmama's Place/Pam Allen. I found myself a bit behind after watching my grandson for a few days earlier this week.

None*the*less, we keep moving forward, right!?

The daily prompt for Day 17 was "What Makes You Unique"? haaaa - - that's a tuff one. I mean, we all share commonalities and we all possess things that set us apart from others. But to toot my own horn? That's not an easy feat to accomplish. I could also answer this with - -guess that depends on who you ask!

Let me sit on this for a few moments...what makes me unique? My smile. My freckles. My heart. My friendship. My love. My trust. My ability to forgive. My kindness and generosity. My loyalty.

These are things that make me unique.

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Day 16 What is One Thing You Look Forward To Everyday

Day 16 in the Self-Love Challenge came and went. Now I'm playing catch up...

The prompt for day 16 was, "what is ONE thing you look forward to every day"? 

PEACE above all else.

Although other things are quite welcomed on any given day. For instance, an unexpected telephone call or a random visit. It might even look like receiving a surprise in the mail.

But having PEACE on a daily basis helps me set the pace for the day.

I start each day just being still and thanking my Heavenly Father for loving me just as I am.

Many times, when the storms of life rear up - my heart is at peace because I know WHOSE I am and He's got this!!!

What do you look forward to on a daily basis?

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Day 15 - What Brings You Peace

Day 15 in the Self-Love Challenge hosted by Pinkmama's Place/Pam Allen.

The prompt was "What Brings You Peace".

There isn't just one thing that brings peace into my life. However, with that said, the utmost number 1 thing is my relationship with Jesus Christ. First and foremost above anything else I can think of.

Spending quality time with friends and family. 

Being able to smile on a daily basis.

Knowing that I matter. 

Being okay with past mistakes. Learning from them and not repeating it. 

Being able to forgive self on a daily basis for whatever it is. 

Being able to LOVE me first and foremost. 

How about you? What brings you peace? 

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Day 14 - What Are Your Biggest Insecurities

The prompt for Day 14 in the Self-Love Challenge hosted by Pinkmama's Place/Pam Allen was "What Are Your Biggest Insecurities". 

I'm my worst critic. I set the bar high for myself as back in the day, I used to be able to reach the mark. Today, I struggle with just getting through a day anymore due to health issues.

My weight. Having chronic health issues arise since the onset of Stage 3 Thyroid Cancer in 2013 - my weight has completely gone out of the window. Having Environmental Asthma doesn't help either since I must take steroids out of the wazoo. Exercise the doctors say...not sure how that's supposed to work when I can't even walk from room to the room in my house without feeling like I'm going to pass out from respiratory issues. Some days, I just shake my head!

Providing for myself. Back in the day when I could work, I was self-sufficient. I didn't worry about the what if's in life. Now that my health has taken a turn and I've had to walk out of the working force, being dependant on others is quite difficult for me. In fact, it's a scary place to be - especially feeling as though it is NOW someone else's responsibility to take care of me and my needs. UGH

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Day 13 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Self-Love Challenge

I am participating in the Self Love Challenge hosted by Pinkmama's Place/Pam Allen. Today we are on day 13. The prompt was "when do you feel most loved"? 

If I have said it once, I have said it multiple times - this challenge has squeezed me on several of the prompts. I am finding myself processing emotions and places in my heart that once were not an issue. Thanks, Pinkmama's Place!!! LOL

Ruminating over the daily prompt, my mind thinks about different times in my life. For instance, participating also in the Song Challenge hosted by The Mommies Review, we were supposed to name a song we would have liked played at our wedding. I found several photos of my marriage in 1994 the other day. I immediately thought about that time in my life. I was incredibly happy, and I felt very loved. Sadly, all those feelings were short very short-lived. 

I also thought about the times I gave birth to my three beautiful children. I fell instantly in love with them and they with me. Again, life has happened and the older two are no longer a part of my life. Their choices... (sometimes I wonder if I am the problem). Why can't I be loved the way I give love? 

Answering this question “when do I feel the most loved” today is exceedingly difficult at this season in my life. If you had posed this question to me in the first quarter of 2019 - I could have without a doubt answered it quickly. Today, it is quite challenging, to say the least. HONESTLY!!! I have people in my life who say they love me - who have also hurt me to the core...how do I trust that? Do they ever gain my trust again? It is hard...

People have conditions for love...I am no exception. All who are a part of my life, all have conditions on their love for me...I think the only way I will get around this question is to 'love myself for me'. At least this way, I am accountable for my feelings, my actions, and my choices.  I will not feel the betrayal of the blindside or hear the lies that come from choices made by others. Especially when they have been called out on them. I cannot tell you how irate lies make me feel...I despise them with a burning passion. They hurt, they destroy, and they kill the innermost parts of a person's heart. 

When I feel the most loved is when I am at peace with myself. When I have a clear understanding of my choices and when I hold myself accountable for my own actions. That is WHEN I feel most loved...on one hand, that is sad and on the other – it is self-preservation for my sanity. 

I wish I could trust when others say they 'love' me, but I have been hurt one too many times by those who are supposed to love me. For now, the only love I trust is that of my Heavenly Father...He will sustain me until I take my last breath. 

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Day 12 - Love and Self Acceptance

                                          May 12, 2020

I am participating in the Self-Love Challenge hosted by Pam Allen/Pinkmama's Place. The daily prompt for Day 12 was, "How would you feel if you truly loved and accepted self"? 

I must admit, this challenge really gets into the nitty-gritty of a person's self-image. I know it is to make a person think about themselves and where they are inside. At times, it is extremely uncomfortable though I must say...I have been squeezed. I have had to deal with more 'stuff'. I have had to feel emotions I do not want to feel because I have come to the acceptance of them. Or have I really? Never the less, I continue working through the challenge. It would be easy enough to walk away from though...

I remember when I worked for a Ministry several years ago, we were having a Department meeting. The things that were discussed made many individuals extremely upset. Our manager asked the group, what is it about 'this' that is making you all upset? Is it the fact that it is going to be this, this, and this, or is it something inside of YOU that is triggering an emotion you do not like?

This Self-Love Challenge is doing this for me...it is triggering thoughts, emotions, and feelings that I thought had been processed over the years. Maybe it is not that they have not been dealt with or anything like that, but just the fact it is bringing them back to the surface again. I am having a different reaction to most of them today. 

The question asked, how would I feel if I truly loved and accepted myself? I would be completely at peace. I would not second guess myself in any way. 

There have been times in my life that I was at this place with myself. The last several years though have created many holes inside of my heart which in turn has changed the way I feel today. I know I need to get back to the place I once was, I would be much happier there. 

I went through a very hurtful situation last year that opened many wounds from my childhood through my thirties. It has been extremely difficult to FIND my happy place again. That ordeal stole my joy, broke my heart, and blindsided me. I felt very betrayed all over again. I felt abandoned. I felt as though I was discarded like a piece of trash. 

The joy for crafting left me. The joy of walking with my ancestors left me. The joy to live left me. The joy to smile left me. The joy of just being left me. Now, for the most part, all I feel is that I am going through the motions because that is what I am supposed to do. 

How would I feel if I could truly love and accept myself? I would feel like a weight has been lifted from me. I would feel like I could breathe again. I would feel like I have value and self-worth. I would feel like I matter. I would feel like I make a difference...and again, the tears flow. 

I do not like these feelings I have inside right now...it all seems too familiar to me and I do not like it. I am at the place that I do not care and that is NOT a good place for me to be in. 

I once was a happy person full of life, love, and joy. I feel lost right now...

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5 Strengths I possess

May 2- Day 2 of 30 in the Self Love Challenge. Today's prompt was List 5 Your Strengths

I never have liked tooting my own horn, however - I know how to engage conversation and a crowd. I think that would be considered one of my strengths. I know how to 'command' an audience without lording over them. 

Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Exodus 15:2 The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.

1. Thinking about this scripture, I would say one of my strengths would be my faith. In all honesty, I should be dead ten times over, but somehow - my faith has sustained me when everything and every one has failed me. My faith sustained me when nothing else could. 

2. Another one of my strengths would be my organizational skills. I like being prepared, never procrastinating. I deplore procrastination...I consider myself to be a highly organized individual. Everything has its place. Whether it is a file on the computer or a file in my room. A to Z is organized in my house...no, it is not OCD - just an organized individual. LOL

I always hated this question in interviews. I could not talk about myself - I felt like my character and resume could do the talking for me. LOL - - that is funny now that I think about it...

3. One of my strengths would be patience. I take great pride in being a patient person. I must admit though since I have been ill the last few years, my patience has been lacking. One thing I do not have the patience for though is backtracking, shuffling things from one stack to another over and over and over. I feel like if I am going to pick something up and move it, then it needs to be placed where it belongs versus moving it two and three times. I think that's ridiculous truth be told...

4. Determination has always been one of my strong suits. I recall mom always telling me from the time I was a little girl, I was very stubborn. If I wanted something - I went after it...nothing stopped me. Yes, I think that still holds true today to some degree. 

5. Creativity is a strength of mine. I like to think outside of the box on many different things. I am not referring to actual crafting here. I remember when my first husband and I were Youth Ministers, we would hold a week-long summer camp at a local State Park. I would come up with the meal guide, the planning, the social games, the interactions of the entire group of people who were in attendance. I enjoy planning from A to Z....no, I am not talking about doing all the work, but the actual planning of the event. Love it!!! I think that goes hand in hand with my organizational skills. 

When I was the Admin of a crafting/swapping Facebook group, I planned swaps - I always liked to incorporate the twists and turns. Nothing was ever as simple as it sounded. Yes, leave it to me...I will always turn things upside down from the normal boring thing. I enjoy thinking outside of the box on everything! 

I listed six of my strengths and the list could go on and on...but again, I do not like tooting my own horn! 

What are some of your strengths? 

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5 Things That Make Me Happy

It is May 1st in the Self Love Challenge hosted by Pinkmama's Place/Pam Allen. The daily prompt was, List 5 things that make You happy - 

I chose the following five things not in any particular order: 

Family

Crafting

Genealogy

Friends

Road Trips

FAMILY - When I think about family, I think about my parents, siblings, my children, and my husband. Each one of them is as important to me as the other. At times though, I don't 'like' my family but I never stop loving them.

CRAFTING - One of my favorite past times. I suppose you could call it a hobby. I like crafting tags, loaded envelopes, scrapbook layouts, junk journals, glue books, mixed media, and altered art to name a few. I don't like crafting cards in any way shape or form. At one time, my family thought I could open a small store with all of my crafting supplies. Funny thing is, I can't remember the last time I paid full price for something craft related. Currently, when I craft, I try to use the supplies that I on hand. Unless of course, it is for a specific project that needs specific things for instance like Mother's Day. 

GENEALOGY - Genealogy is another one of my favorite past times. I enjoy very much learning about my family history by way of genealogy. I  have an extensive family tree online. I also have many documents and photos that I have gathered along the way. Currently, I am in the process of setting up binders for each set of grandparents and their families. Researching and gathering information about my family is very interesting to me. I love finding the family stories, seeing the family photos, and capturing the essence of my family by way of genealogy. I also enjoy walking through cemeteries and seeing the headstones of yesterday. They all have a story...

FRIENDS - Friends are very valuable. Many times, my friends are the ones who have carried me through difficult times. I enjoy hanging out with friends. Laughing, talking, and just being in one another's presence. My friends all have a special place in my heart. 

ROAD TRIPS - oh yea, spontaneous or on the fly...I love road trips any day of the week. I don't necessarily have to have a destination in mind. Just give me a tank of gas, my car keys, and let me drive. The music is cranked and I'm in the zone. I am looking forward to the next road trip I take. Destination unknown...

Until next time, 

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Self Love

Today starts another 30-day challenge in the world of blogging. This particular challenge is called, "Self Love". It is being hosted by Pam Allen, Pinkmamas Place.

Thinking about this particular challenge, I wanted to also have a hands-on book of some sort where I can craft "self-love".

I will be using an altered composition book for the daily challenge prompts.

Step 1: Choose a composition book

Step 2: cover the composition book with something else. I used a blue butterfly paper from my supplies. I measured and trimmed the paper down to cover the front AND back covers

Step 3: I added the lace to the front and the back near the spine

Step 4. I played around with different embellishments. I settled on a cluster of flowers and a large metallic butterfly broach

Step 5: I added a cluster of things up in the right-hand corner that tied into the cluster at the bottom

Step 5. I ended with the title, "Cherish Life"

I'm ready for this challenge...after all, we all can benefit from self-love, self-help, and a whole Lotta love!

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