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If I have said it once,
I have said it multiple times - this challenge has squeezed me on several of
the prompts. I am finding myself processing emotions and places in my heart
that once were not an issue. Thanks, Pinkmama's Place!!! LOL
Ruminating over the
daily prompt, my mind thinks about different times in my life. For instance,
participating also in the Song Challenge hosted by The Mommies
Review, we were supposed to name a song we would have liked played at our
wedding. I found several photos of my marriage in 1994 the other day. I
immediately thought about that time in my life. I was incredibly happy, and I
felt very loved. Sadly, all those feelings were short very short-lived.
I also thought about the
times I gave birth to my three beautiful children. I fell instantly in love
with them and they with me. Again, life has happened and the older two are no
longer a part of my life. Their choices... (sometimes I wonder if I am the
problem). Why can't I be loved the way I give love?
Answering this question “when
do I feel the most loved” today is exceedingly difficult at this season in my
life. If you had posed this question to me in the first quarter of 2019 - I
could have without a doubt answered it quickly. Today, it is quite challenging,
to say the least. HONESTLY!!! I have people in my life who say they love me -
who have also hurt me to the core...how do I trust that? Do they ever gain my
trust again? It is hard...
People have conditions
for love...I am no exception. All who are a part of my life, all have
conditions on their love for me...I think the only way I will get around this
question is to 'love myself for me'. At least this way, I am accountable
for my feelings, my actions, and my choices. I will not feel the betrayal
of the blindside or hear the lies that come from choices made by others.
Especially when they have been called out on them. I cannot tell you how irate
lies make me feel...I despise them with a burning passion. They hurt, they destroy,
and they kill the innermost parts of a person's heart.
When I feel the most
loved is when I am at peace with myself. When I have a clear understanding of my
choices and when I hold myself accountable for my own actions. That is WHEN I
feel most loved...on one hand, that is sad and on the other – it is
self-preservation for my sanity.
I wish I could trust when
others say they 'love' me, but I have been hurt one too many times by those who
are supposed to love me. For now, the only love I trust is that of my Heavenly
Father...He will sustain me until I take my last breath.
Heart to Heart Soul
Creations
H2hsc2020
Twitter: H2hsc2020
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#SelfLoveChallenge, #selflove, #selfimage, #trusting, #storytelling, #iinspiration, #trust, #Love, @pinkmamasplace, @themommiesreview, #heart, #forgiveness, #blogging
I understand what you're feeling and why but Charlie 2I love you. We would never hurt you or lie to you. Because I've been were you are and I hate it..
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