Day 7 - Today in the Self-Love Challenge put hosted by Pinkmama's
Place, the prompt was - list 3 ways you can stop the negative beliefs
you have about yourself. My oh my...this Self-Love Challenge seems to get harder and harder each day. Not because of the prompts, but because of what it is creating internally for me and others alike.
The prompts make it so that the person answering it literally must
look inside their heart and soul to process what is there. For me, it is
bringing things up that I have processed before but a recent situation opened
the wounds back up. I guess I really did not process the feelings again after
the betrayal and hurt occurred.
The Self-Love Challenge is right on time. This is giving me time
to self-reflect so I can make choices that need to be made as hard as they
are.
The first way I can stop the negative beliefs I have about
myself is, I have no guilt where my children are concerned. They
are all adults now. The choices they make in life are their own. They will have
to answer for the silence and the lack of respect they have bestowed upon me
for the last 7 plus years. Yes, it is very hard to live and breathe on a day to
day basis without the people I gave birth to in my life. Their lack of
communication or even discussion of the why is they feel the way they feel is
more than I can bear some days. I must completely surrender all my
heart's pain and anguish over to my Lord and Savior as the load is
unbearable to carry anymore. I need to find peace with their decisions. But
how...
The second way I can stop the negative beliefs that I have about
myself is, does it really matter anymore? There are times in
my life that I wish I could just snap my fingers and go back to a certain day.
Life was much happier then...and yet, the struggle has been real since as far
back as I can remember.
Who am I kidding? Does it really matter? Do I matter? Would my
absence weigh heavily on certain loved ones? It is funny how the last seven
years a certain person I love dearly has been absent from my life and the pain
becomes more intense with each passing day. This person could be present, but
they choose to be distant and non-existent to me on any level.
I have learned how to push my true feelings aside and not feel.
But is that really helping me process the emotions I have? There is not a day
that goes by that I do not second guess myself on the things I have done. The
things I have put up with. The choices made...and yet, I feel as though I've
been the one who has been held accountable to all of the crap life has ditched
out when on many occasions I reacted to others doing to the ditching. Yet, I am
expected to forgive and forget and act like nothing is wrong...yes, it
matters to me. Yes, I matter! Yes, my heart hurts and YES, I have a
right to feel the way I feel today. I suppose in the end it does really
matter...I hope I am around to see it in the end.
The third way I can stop the negative beliefs that I have about
myself is, holding myself accountable for my actions alone. Stop
waiting on everyone else to own their accountability. They are only hurting
themselves if they are not truthful.
Today, I need only to be responsible for my beliefs and be at
peace with all my decisions. Once I can come to terms with this, everything
else will fall into place as it should.
It takes a great deal of courage to
put these thoughts in writing for others to see. I am finding though, as I am
writing all kinds of emotions are being stirred up inside of me. I am an open
book. I have nothing to hide. I refuse to hide behind the pain my heart feels
any longer. I need to begin trusting people again. Trusting myself again. I
need to begin honoring myself again even though others around me do not see my
value. I am worthy to be loved. I am worthy to be beautiful. I am
worthy to be valued as a person.
Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020
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Great ways to rid the negative beliefs. Keep thinking positive, you're doing great.
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