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I am participating in the Self-Love Challenge hosted
by Pam Allen/Pinkmama's Place. The daily prompt for Day 12 was, "How
would you feel if you truly loved and accepted self"?
I must admit, this challenge
really gets into the nitty-gritty of a person's self-image. I know it is to
make a person think about themselves and where they are inside. At times, it is
extremely uncomfortable though I must say...I have been squeezed. I have had to
deal with more 'stuff'. I have had to feel emotions I do not want to feel
because I have come to the acceptance of them. Or have I really? Never the less, I continue working through the challenge. It would be easy enough to walk away from though...
I remember when I worked for a
Ministry several years ago, we were having a Department meeting. The things that
were discussed made many individuals extremely upset. Our manager asked the
group, what is it about 'this' that is making you all upset? Is it the fact
that it is going to be this, this, and this, or is it something inside of YOU
that is triggering an emotion you do not like?
This Self-Love Challenge is
doing this for me...it is triggering thoughts, emotions, and feelings that I
thought had been processed over the years. Maybe it is not that they have not
been dealt with or anything like that, but just the fact it is bringing them
back to the surface again. I am having a different
reaction to most of them today.
The question asked, how
would I feel if I truly loved and accepted myself? I would be
completely at peace. I would not second guess myself in any way.
There have been times in my
life that I was at this place with myself. The last several years though have
created many holes inside of my heart which in turn has changed the way I feel
today. I know I need to get back to the place I once was, I would be much
happier there.
I went through a very hurtful
situation last year that opened many wounds from my childhood through my
thirties. It has been extremely difficult to FIND my happy place again. That
ordeal stole my joy, broke my heart, and blindsided me. I felt very betrayed
all over again. I felt abandoned. I felt as though I was discarded like a piece
of trash.
The joy for crafting left me.
The joy of walking with my ancestors left me. The joy to live left me. The joy
to smile left me. The joy of just being left me. Now, for the most part, all I
feel is that I am going through the motions because that is what
I am supposed to do.
How would I feel if I could
truly love and accept myself? I would feel like a weight has been lifted from
me. I would feel like I could breathe again. I would feel like I have value and
self-worth. I would feel like I matter. I would feel like I make a
difference...and again, the tears flow.
I do not like these feelings I
have inside right now...it all seems too familiar to me and I do not
like it. I am at the place that I do not care and that is NOT a
good place for me to be in.
H2hsc2020
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#SelfLoveChallenge, #selfimage, #selfacceptance, #selfworth, #life, #love, #honesty, #truthfulness, @pinkmamasplace
Praying that you find that happiness once again! Hugs Nancy!
ReplyDeletethank you Martha! I will...this I know to be true.
DeletePraying for you and your not the only one who feels like this.
ReplyDeletehugs...
DeleteOh no, sorry to hear that. I guess the only comfort perhaps is to realise you are not alone in feeling that way, it’s something I’ve been struggling through the last few years especially. I have found that although maybe only superficial, that self care is a good place to start, in order to find ways to feel good. So I started going to spas last year as a treat and retreat, and am now starting to get back into skincare and makeup eventually which I had neglected these few years. Baby steps though.
ReplyDeleteAlice, it's interesting that so many feel the same way - yet don't talk about those feelings. I once was a stuffer - that was my protection back in the day - -until I blew one day.
ReplyDeleteI can't stuff my feelings anymore nor do I want to...blogging in the Self Love Challenge has really been squeezing me though. especially in areas that I had worked through before...this last year was tough though as I mentioned in my blog and I'm still processing my feelings around all of it. like you said, baby steps!