Saying Goodbye is Bittersweet

That moment tonight when I'm contacted that we need to purchase two more Urns so we can split ashes three ways...then, the question is asked of me - 'do I want to write the Obituary'?

Wow - talk about the moment sinking in that soon we all will be saying goodbye to my/our mother, Gammy, Mimi, Aunt, and friend.

I'm numb all over...I saw mom last weekend and we both said to another, 'I'll see you on the other side'. She looked into my eyes and said, 'YES I WILL - I'll see you on the other side. I love you...God gave you to me when I had no one...I love you!"

Mother - - you are slowly leaving this place we call earth. You've wanted to leave ever since dad died back in 2009. I released you a few years back when you became very ill...now it's your time. Fly with Angel's mom.

Always on my mind and forever in my heart...

I love you <3

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

Nonnie's Thoughts on Caiden's Pack and Play

My daughter and her husband were given a Portable Playard, Sturdy Play Yard with a Comfortable Mattress and Changing Station (Blue&Green) by Kidsry as a gift just before Caiden was born. This can be purchased online at Amazon.

There is a changing table that attaches to the top of the open area and a 3 elephant mobile that doesn't move. It just hangs there.

They've had it in the living room to use when Caiden isn't in his HALO Bassinest Swivel Sleeper Bassinet, but mommy doesn't like it very well because the mesh is dark and she can't see him when he is laying down and sleeping. The HALO Bassinest Swivel Sleeper Bassinet can be purchased at Amazon, Target, BuyBuyBaby, Walmart, and a few other retail stores.

Nonnie's (that's me) has changed his diapers a few times using the changing station and I have to admit, it is a bit low and makes my back hurt because of the strain it causes. I wonder why they didn't create the mobile to move and play a soft little tune because Caiden loves listening to music - I think that mobile is really just obsolete. We have taken it off. It serves no purpose for him. It doesn't console him, it doesn't turn and the 3 elephants just hang there and right now, he wouldn't even be able to focus on them because they are aligned from the floor to the ceiling instead of laying flat and hanging. (I remember how the mobiles were when his mommy was a baby)...they laid flat and it spun singing a soft tune.

Today, Nonnie moved the Portable Playard to another part of the room so we could use it this week instead of bringing the Bassinest in and out of the living room due to its weight. Nonnie can't carry that and mommy sure can't because of her surgery.

Mommy is laying down right now resting and Nonnie just laid the little guy down for his morning nap. I have to agree - setting on the couch looking directly at the Pack and Play - it is a bit difficult seeing him in there.

Nonnie, mommy, and daddy wish the mesh on the Portable Playard was lighter similar to the HALO Bassinest, but it's not...

I'm not sure how much this little guy will utilize this gift because if mommy and daddy aren't happy with it - - maybe the Portable Playard by Kidsry can do some revisions for future Pack and Plays they sell. I personally wouldn't buy this particular one again and on a scale of 1 - 10 - I'd give it a 5 because of the height of the changing station and the darkness of the mesh.

Caiden is resting and Nonnie is going to start breakfast. Sweet dreams little guy...

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

#H2hsc2020, #Kidsry #PackandPlay, #Babies, #mommies, #thoughts, #sleeping,  #HALOBassinest, #mommiesandme


Disclaimer: In this post are my affiliate links, if you click on the links and make a purchase I will make a small percentage of the items you purchase.

Imposters

Many years ago during my teen years, there was a show on television that my parents watched. I don't recall the name of it, so I'll describe it to you...

There was a participant who would ask questions - then 'the' real person and two imposters. Through the questions, the participant tried to guess through the answers who the real person was versus the imposters.

I found it interesting that although many of the answers could be seen as factual - some were just playing the role. It's funny how in life, we are surrounded by individuals who have stepped into a role when they are around you - but once you are away, the conversations happen that makes a person just shake their head.

I have been surrounded by imposters all my life and honestly, I don't even know who or what is real anymore...people say and do one thing when you talk to them and say or do something completely different when you aren't around. I'm so over fake people in my world. They are the very same individuals who hold grudges, hold pasts over one's heads and feel that they are above any accountability whatsoever. You can throw your daggers any which way you choose - but in the end, we'll all be held accountable for all that has been said - all of the lies that continue to be told and the grudges that continue to be placed above forgiveness and love.

There have been days, months and years that I have questioned my very existence wondering if what I knew was factual or if indeed it was an imposter. Just when I think I have clarity, a wrench gets thrown into the mix of things. Today was no different...just when I thought my heart couldn't be shattered anymore - - it broke into a million more pieces. I honestly don't know how it continues to beat with the heartache I have inside.

I'll continue going through each day loving those who 'want' to be in my world and want me in theirs. I'm going to walk away from those who have created such pain and torment. It is very sad and makes me very sad as I have held out for years hoping and praying - that things would be different. Today was evident that they are not...and for now - it's crystal clear that I MUST walk away in order to find clarity and peace of mind that I have been searching for over the last 7 years. It's sad to say though - this pain I describe doesn't come from friends - - it comes from that sacred place called, "family". The knife has been put in my back for THE last time...I hope you are happy and my wish is, that you never, ever feel the pain that each of you has caused for me on so many levels...

Will the REAL YOU please step forward...

Country Living Has Its Charm

A few months ago, I moved to a new area. One that I had not lived in before - but was familiar with the area.

At one time, there was nothing but ranch homes and countryside. It was country living at its best. Today, driving down the winding roads, one might see goats prancing around the yard, or horses in grazing in the fields. You might even see from time to time rabbits running alongside the road.

About a month ago, instead of turning towards our house - we decided to drive straight to see the area. There was a private residential neighborhood that is not accessible to the public unless you are on their lists of who’s who. In this area, there are well known professional athletes living here from the Dallas Cowboys, the Dallas Stars, The Dallas Mavericks and other professional athletes from other parts of the world. Not to mention coaches and doctors and such...we continued to drive down and around the winding road.

We passed a house on the corner and there were somewhere between 15 - 20 wild turkey and several peacocks standing in the yard of a house. There was no gate or anything to hold these creatures in, so I know they were wild...my husband thought they were someone's pets. I doubt it...after all, we were in the country!  The male peacocks began to spread their tail feathers out to display their colors and eyespots for us. I'm sure it wasn't because we were watching them, but because they were trying to court the female peacocks nearby. We sat there on the side of the road for seven to ten minutes watching these beautiful creatures with their beautiful deep blues and emerald greens on display.

When we drove off, I spotted an old rock chimney standing in a field. We pulled off on the side of the road as there was a historical marker standing near the fence. It said that in the early 1900s, the landowner bought 36 acres of land for $200. He planted cotton, peanuts and something else along the lines of vegetation (I can't remember). He also had livestock according to the marker. I sat there in amazement looking across the rolling hills out past the beautiful trees that made up the landscape. The area was beautiful...I tried to imagine what life was like when the homestead stood near that chimney. The landowner sold the land a few years back after his wife became ill and passed away. This was Westlake's first historical marker, dedicated May 12, 2012.

Heading back in the direction of our house, and just across the street from this old chimney and historical marker - there was a sign showing 2 acres of land for sale and the asking price is $800,000.

I couldn't imagine that in the early 1900s that landowner bought 36 acres of land for $200.00 which probably was months and possibly even years of hard work and saving to the 2 acres of land that now has a price tag of $800,000. WOW - - we continued to drive...

When I moved into the house I live in now, there was a house being erected down and around the corner. It wasn't a small house or even a medium-sized house. This house was larger than an average house and more of a house than I could ever imagine living in... although, I'd love to! If I was still working, that might have been a possibility, but living on social security - I have to settle for the things I have today - even after putting in years and years of hard work since the time I was 13 years old.

 The house is finished now, and the question remains 'who' is going to be living in this beautiful mansion. I haven't seen any life on the premises yet - however, on Superbowl weekend - there was a Kansas Chief flag flying out on the gate.

Our house doesn't look like this, but we do have acreage and it's considered country living, I'm not complaining!

I suppose the country living charm among the multi-million-dollar houses is something to be desired.

The rest of the DFW area is so concrete - now I understand!

New Clothes

Today, I washed a few of Caiden's things so we could put them up in preparation for the upcoming move. As I looked in his closet and seen all his brand-new clothes - I thought to myself, how fun it is to have so many wonderful things at such a young age. I'm sure he will never wear half of the clothes he has - - unless of course, his mommy and daddy changed him around the clock into a different outfit, onesie or little sleeper.

I folded little bitty socks; they are so tiny. I thought to myself, I wonder if he'll have his dad's size 12 foot or his mom's size 6? Then I moved another sack that hasn't been put away yet from the baby shower in his honor since they are in the process of packing things up - and wouldn't you know it, there were two pairs of itty-bitty shoes. They were so adorable, I sat there and chuckled!

It's funny because when I visited my mom this last weekend, his great grandmother who goes by Gammy (called by my three children) or Mimi (called by my sisters three children) - she said, 'how light his skin color was'. I thought about her comment for a little bit...I guess, she thought he might be Olive colored like me (as I am half Italian) and my skin tone is darker than the rest of my family...I told her, no - - he will favor his mommy and daddy's skin tones, blonde hair and blue eyes. Although my daughter has brown hair and hazel eyes (I think! LOL) It's a beautiful thing how creation happens from the egg and the sperm...who would have thought - so many little similarities would be evident within the first week of a new life.

A dimple on his cheek, a button nose - his daddy's face and at times, his mommy's face. Once in awhile seeing his paternal grandparents features in the way he looks...I have yet to see any characteristics of mine or those of my mom- other than his resilience, his tenacity and well - his loud and clear exclamations that ring out through the house upon his dissatisfaction with a diaper change or his need to eat.

I'm on grandma duty for a few hours so his mommy and daddy can get some rest. I'm sure many of you can relate and know this firsthand, being a new parent - is very demanding on the body and sleep deprivation ranks high around the clock for days on end. 

Caiden will be surrounded by people who love him and who are willing to step in when duty calls - - however, grandma time will come to an end in the coming days and his little family will once again learn how to navigate life with all the new demands on their body, their time schedules, their appointments, their feedings, their outings.

He is all snuggled up in his bassinette with music playing softly in the background. Outside, there is a gentle, steady rain falling...and occasionally, you can hear the tires of a car driving down the wet road outside. The heater kicks on and off throughout the house so it's cozy here inside and the stillness of the night is calming. 

Tomorrow is a new day. We'll pick out several sets of clothes for the day, we'll see new expressions from Caiden and even some from his mommy I'm sure! It's amazing how in the last seven days...this little guy has changed so much. He has grown in length and has reached his birth weight once again and continues to make great strides each day. He is growing so much already...will he be short like mommy or will he stand tall like his daddy? These things still need to play out over the course of time...but for now, the dilemmas of 'what to wear daily as there are so many choices' are still at hand.

It's tough being a little guy in the great big world with so many endless possibilities...

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

#Baby, #grandma, #Family, #Love, #inspiration, #hopes, #dreams, #life 

Grandma Time

Something must be said of becoming a grandmother...Caiden is my 3rd grandchild. 

I didn't think being blessed with another grandchild could bring so much joy, but boy was I wrong! It's been interesting watching my baby girl and her husband with their new bundle of joy. They've been navigating the late-night feedings, the diaper changes, and the lack of sleep now for almost a week. Can you believe it - - almost a week! Where does the time go...?

I've seen my baby girl grow up into a beautiful young lady and now stepping out into a new chapter of her life - motherhood. She is so gentle with Caiden and he loves it when mommy talks to him softly. Today, he has been up more than he has the last couple of days. I think it's because Grandma has been hanging out with the family. lol - - I've retired to my room for the night - so I thought I'd just share a few thoughts of Caiden's world from grandma's view. 

Caiden's mommy and daddy are getting acclimated to the new changes that have been placed before them. Diaper changes, feedings, sleeping, late-night feedings, more diaper changes - - burping, feeding, sleeping, and more diaper changes. Yes, life in the Hays home will be different moving forward. Watch out world - there's a new kid in town! 

Very soon, I get to meet my siblings. They are fur-babies. Grandma calls one Ms. Mischievous (that's not her name - but she gets in trouble a lot), and the other one she calls Axel Rose. Both were rescue dogs...I haven't met them

A R

mommy's dog too, but grandpa keeps him now! 

Ms. Mischevious

yet as they are away at grandma's house until the upcoming move at the end of next week happens. YES - - you read that right. A new baby, relocation, work - -!!! When on earth will mommy and daddy sleep? If I can help it- - they won't. I will make sure of that with feedings, diaper changes, burping, and more feedings...

I know Caiden's eyesight isn't at 100%, but he loves looking around. When I am holding him and talking to him - - he turns his head towards my voice. Sometimes, he looks with such great anticipation and the little faces he makes. I smile - and sometimes, I express laughter. I love it when he purses his lips because I can see his little dimples. My daughter also has a dimple. Notice I said, 'a dimple'. LOL

My grandma Tina came to meet me today. This past Sunday, grandpa Bruce and Grandpa Ronnie came to meet me...I am truly surrounded by people who love me so much. Then there's dad...where to start? It's funny how a little human being can soften a man's heart where no other person can...they walk silently in and out of the room, speak calmly (my son in law does that anyway), they change diapers with such care making sure everything is done just right. Then there's cradling Caiden and holding him. Daddy has been a bit nervous holding me, but we manage. I like being held in daddy's arms...daddy has been so helpful with mommy too. I'm glad he is home this week so I can spend time with him. Then there's the late-night diaper changes and the late-night feedings...!

Grandma (I'm not sure what I'm going to call her yet - -) but I don't want to call her grandma. She is going to be a very special person to me so her name for me needs to be special just like her. She went and saw her mom this past weekend in Amarillo, Texas. She isn't doing too well. Grandma told me she wrote a story last week called, "The Circle of Life". It was about my great gammy (her mom), my mommy and me. When I grow up, I'm going to read it so I can know a little bit about my great gammy. My grandma talks to me all the time...she calls me, "Baby Hays" even still today...you see, my mommy and daddy didn't share my name with anyone before I arrived in the great big world - so when grandma would talk to me in mommy's belly - she would call me Baby Hays. I love my grandma. My grandma also does genealogy so I can learn of my family roots through her eyes. I can't wait to see all the information she has learned of my family and ancestors...and just think, I'm just a baby. 

I'm getting sleepy now - - I've been fed, and my diaper has been changed. It's time to lay my head down and sleep with the Angels. My grandma always says, "Angels on your pillows'". 

Good night daddy, mommy, grandma Tina, grandma, grandpa Ronnie, and Grandpa Bruce - until I see you all again...I love you! <3

Yes, life with Caiden the last couple of days has been wonderful. I am so excited to see where the life journey leads him. I hope I'm around long enough to see him accomplish his dreams and goals. He has already changed so much in the last several days and he isn't even a week old yet. Boy does time fly when one is having fun...

I'll be spending time with Caiden and his family for a few more days before going home. I'll be getting in all the butterfly kisses I can get before I leave. 

Until next time...g' night!

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

Throw Back Thursday - Genealogy Organization

Walking with the Ancestors...

As I sit here sorting the many photos of yesterday while doing more genealogy organization - I realized today was throwback Thursday. Perfect...I knew what I wanted to write about. 

I recently set up another Facebook group for the Descendants of Riley Hammet Hillman and Lucinda Perkins, they are my 2nd great grandparents. I did that in hopes of learning more about our family history and connecting with new cousins too!

I have this white drawer looking tub sitting over on the floor of my craft room as I still haven't gotten everything unpacked from my recent move. For the last few weeks, I have looked at it and looked at (you know - like nudging myself to see what was in it) as I couldn't remember. Yesterday, I finally pulled the drawer out. Oh my gosh - - I have photos of in here from people I don't even know who they are. Photos of my kids and their school days, family photos of my family growing up - you get the picture! (no pun intended). 

When I pulled out the drawer, setting right on top was a large manilla envelope addressed to my mom and dad from my Aunt Genevieve. Inside were photos of my mother as a teenager and several photos of her with her siblings. Also, inside, was a photo of my 2nd great grandfather, Riley H. Hillman's daughter, Sarah Catherine, and a few others from the Hillman lines.  

I'm comparing all the photos in this envelope to those I have scanned on my computer and USB. I want to make sure these photos are preserved for generations to come. Not to mention, having the opportunity of adding them to my family tree out on Ancestry! I'm all about the photographs! They tell so many stories of yesterday, today and sometimes even in our tomorrows...

I remember when Charlie, Glenda and I went to the Dallas Genealogy Library this past Monday - when I opened up my family tree to show them  - Glenda's exclamation of 'look at all your photos'! was a perfect example of what I'm talking about...I suppose this too, comes from my passion for paper crafting and scrapbooking. One day, I will have all these 1000's of photographs scrapbooked or in vintage journals I create. (copies of course - but I have used originals in the past, too in an archival-safe photo sleeve). After all, they won't be passed down to my family - none of them are interested in any of the genealogy stuff! sad, but true...

So here I am, with this tub of miscellaneous photos setting out on my desk so I can work on the organization of them today. Here's how the task will be managed: 

1. Open envelopes very carefully
2. Browse the photos and documentation (handling them carefully)
3. Sort them into stacks of family lines (for instance, the ones of my mom - will go in a Gordy stack; ones of the Hillman's, will be placed in a Hillman stack), etc. 
4. Look in computer and USB files to confirm whether photos have been scanned. 
5. If the photo hasn't been scanned, STOP, SCAN, and TITLE it if there is a description, move to the appropriate computer file
6. If the photo has already been scanned, move to the next photo
7. at the end of the day, log onto Ancestry and upload photos to the appropriate family tree profiles for preservation
8. Eventually - photos will end up in the appropriate Ancestor binders (copies printed in grayscale)
9. Photos will be scrapbooked and or crafted into Vintage journals (haven't decided if I'll use originals or copies yet) ...in time

I enjoy being organized. I guess you could say this has always been one of my strong suits as long as I can remember. Yes, this will be a daunting task - but in the end - preserving our family history so others can enjoy for generations to come is priceless! 

I've already informed my family what they are to do with all my genealogy items upon my passing. I don't want it all to end up in a landfill somewhere...this is our family legacy and I want it preserved for others to do research and see their family history.

Many of the memories are our grandfathers who served in the Revolutionary Wars, the Civil and Confederate Wars, WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam, grandparents who loaded up the covered wagons and a few of their possessions and set out to make their way. Memories like these need to be recorded and documented so my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will learn and remember the sacrifices these families gave and how they lived. For me, I can’t even fathom my great grandmother loading up her 7 children in a covered wagon to follow farming in order to make ends meet after her husband died in the early 1900s.

If this is a small way for me to honor my ancestor's memory - -then I'm honored to make this small sacrifice of time to organize the memories. 

 I love walking with my ancestors...

~Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

Wordless Wednesday

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

Moments

2/11/2020

Have you ever pondered the word, 'moment'? This is where I'm at today...setting here almost numb in my thoughts with this moment and that moment dancing around in my head like sugar plum fairies. If only they were sugar plum fairies!

I remember there was a moment when I experienced that first kiss from my one true love...oh the stars I saw. Poof -- guess it wasn't the prince!

What about the moment I competed in UIL competition and learned I had made 1's all across the board even after I had to tell the accompanist to quit playing while I played my piece on the violin as a solo without the accompaniment. (yikes)...I hopped, skipped and jumped throughout the Civic Center and was elated in disbelief after seeing my name and the 1's posted!

I recall a moment when I must have been about 7 or 8 years old, our family traveled to Dallas, Texas to attend Six Flags for the very first time. Mom and I had boarded a car on the Mini Mine Train. In fact, we sat in the very first car of that roller coaster. She placed her purse down between her legs -and here we go...clackity clack, click, click, and around the bend we went-we hit that very first dip and I thought my mom was going to jump out of that car. She was terrified of that little ride - all I

could do was laugh. When it was over, I wanted to get back in line...

There was a moment back in 2001 when I lived up in Illinois. I only lived there for a little over a year. It was soon to be Valentine's Day and my anniversary. I decided I was going to do something special for my husband. I rented a limousine and made reservations at a secluded resort that had a jacuzzi bathtub in the room. My youngest daughter at the time was 5 years old...she was so mad that I was getting dad a koozie. She told everyone that dad was getting a koozie. She would say, "I'm not getting a koozie and I'm so mad!" In her little mind, she thought it was the can huggie that her dad was getting! 

2019's vacation to the Smokey Mountains...watch out for the bears!!! 

This was the highlight of my vacation!! 

What about the time we were helping dad with newspapers because he was down a couple of route carriers. Yes, my dad was a Circulation Manager at the Amarillo Globe-News. The daily paper of the town. Anytime he was down paper carriers, guess who he called on. Yes, that's right - - my brother and me! I grew up in newspapers. I threw them from the car windows, I placed them in the newspapers stands, I hand-delivered them to people's porches, I threw them into their yards. I even got chased around a tree once by a dog! I just knew that dang dog was going to bite me. I hated throwing newspapers and to this day I can't stand the sight of a rubber band!!! Anyway, my brother and I were sitting on the tailgate because dad would drive slowly down the road while my brother and I would take an armload of newspapers, run into the customer's yards and place the papers on their porches. I had just hopped back onto the bed of the truck. Dad backed up into a ditch and down I went. My legs were dangling off and he backed up so far, that when he went down in the culvert, it bent my legs and ankles backward - here I am laying in pain and agony while dad is driving down the road unbeknownst to him that I was laying in the ditch! Those moments...

I recall a moment in my early teen years one Sunday morning I decided I was going to shave off my bushy eyebrows. I blamed it on my sister! LOL Because of my ethnicity, (half Italian) - in my younger years, my eyebrows were very thick, and I almost had a unibrow - of course, I'm starting my teen years and I can't have bushy eyebrows and a unibrow! Out came the razor...I wonder if she remembers that one!?

The moment I saw some of my mom's artwork from the Adult Coloring books she had. 

Mom's creativity

There was the moment in life my firstborn was born. A son...we were ecstatic. His grandfather was looking at him through the glass window and asked my husband, 'is his head going to stay like a cone'? The room broke out with loud laughter...

Wait, then there's that moment I had been visiting g'ma Kercher up on Polk Street...I hadn't had my driver's license very long. Driving home down past the park (which was really 'up' hill) a police officer pulled me over. Yes, you got it right - I just received my first speeding ticket...I got home, told mom and dad and I insisted the car was accelerating by itself up that hill! Dad didn't buy it. just shaking my head...

The moment when my granddad was very sick with cancer...in a previous post, I mentioned he and my granny raised me when I was young. I stayed with them until their passing which was between

My granddad and granny - oh yea, that's me at 2 years old

the 3rd and 4th grades. I recall people in the church were bringing food in because he was so sick. He couldn't eat this, and he couldn't have that. I warmed up a plate of food - it was a casserole dish. The next day he passed away. I just knew I killed him with the cheese from that casserole - as he could NOT eat cheese! That thought haunted me for years on end...I didn't have anything to do with his death. It was the horrible disease of cancer. Little did I know in the 3rd or 4th grade!

Slumber party at the neighbor kids house...all of us girls were having one of those moments we were going to talk with the dead. We were all sitting around in a circle. There must have been six or seven of us. I really don't remember how many of us were there. Over on a nightstand, there was a candle flickering casting a glow about the room.  We were in a quiet whisper telling 'ghost' stories I think...when suddenly, a very LOUD boom crashes against the wall. All of us girls jumped up screaming and I went running home. After all, I only lived catty-corner to that neighbor. Those boys were playing a joke on all the girls. They knew we were telling 'ghost' stories and they wanted in on the fun...I never told ghost stories again after that! And just think, now I walk with the ancestors daily as the family genealogist!

The moment sitting at my computer and seeing the photograph of my birth father loading up on the screen - - complete silence! That was the first time I had ever seen a photograph, that day in 2014. WOW...

My daughter's tattoo in honor of her babies she lost...and to think now, she'll be having her rainbow baby any day!

My baby girl

I'm recalling a moment back in April 2009 when my adopted father passed away in the VA Hospital. The RN came in and draped his body with the American Flag. Over the loudspeaker, Taps began to play...it was a beautiful moment among the grief. 

My 102-year-old cousin

Over Labor Day 2019, I'm recalling the moment I had the amazing opportunity of meeting a new cousin of mine off of my 2nd Great Grandfather's line. She was 102 years old. When I walked into her house, with such excitement in her voice - she exclaimed, "is that my Texas cousin?" I had an amazing day listening to her tell stories of our shared families...her memory was sharp as a tack! 

Moments are those measures of times we capture in our memories that come from joyous times to the times of great sorrow. I could go and on and on with different memories, but I need to get something accomplished today besides reminiscing life as it was yesterday. 

When was the last time you thought about all the memories you have locked away in your heart, your mind, your life? Are there any that make you smile today when you think about them? I had a few laughs earlier writing this post. A few brought a sigh of relief and others I took a long, slow, deep breath. 

Like many of you, I have moments I'd much rather just forget about and move on...but that was life. I have the choice of how I process them. I can either let them have power over other things or find comfort in knowing that those memories happened yesterday, and I don't have to carry them into my tomorrow. 

Sometime this week, I'll have other great moments deposited into my memories with the birth of my third grandson - hoping that in those precious moments, I'm not saying goodbye to my mom and now she can walk with the angels. 

Until next time...

Deposit this one into your memories! 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

Charlie's Legacy

2/10/2020

Earlier today, I had the pleasure of taking Charlie and Glenda downtown Dallas to the J. Erik Jonsson Library. Once we arrived, we went up to the 8th floor where the Genealogy records are housed.

Charlie has been working on an assignment for school the last 3 1/2 weeks in hopes of learning who his ancestors were.

When I asked Charlie why he wanted to build a family tree and learn of his ancestors, he told me he would like to know if he has any Native American Indian people in his family lines. He also told me he enjoys learning about the 1800-1900 era. Especially the cowboys of this time.

Two weeks ago, I had Charlie think of ten questions he could use to interview his family members. Charlie came up with some amazing questions. He went to work, contacting 20 family members asking if they would help him build his family tree by allowing him to interview them. Some of the folks he interviewed were his paternal grandparents, his mom, and dad, his sister, and several others in his immediate family. He even told me he interviewed himself! (That's dedication if you ask me!!!) I was so excited when I learned how many people he had contacted. After all, I've been at this for 20 years plus and do you know - -some days, it's like pulling teeth to get information from people. I was elated that Charlie's family is willing to assist him on his family history journey.

When we arrived at the Library, we were given a tour by a gentleman named Mick. He explained to Charlie how the records were housed in each area of the 8th floor. He pointed to the card catalog, the books with the Census Records in them, the Periodical section and the other books pertaining to towns/cities, counties and states. He also directed our attention to the opposite side of the very large room to the other books, these were for other countries. Mick also told us about the microfiche and, the different machines that we could utilize during our research. He also showed us the new room called, Creative Spaces.

Once we finished with the tour, Charlie, Glenda and I headed over the flatbed scanner to scan in his records that he had collected.  Charlie and I worked on scanning in the interviews and other information he had collected while Glenda worked on a few other things. Before we finished up with the scanner, we built Charlie a 5-generation Pedigree Chart. He was so excited to learn he had more than 10 people in his family.

After we finished with the scanner, we went over to the floor computers and I showed Charlie and Glenda my family tree. I explained to them that at one time, I had 10 people in my tree and today, I have over 24,000 individuals who somehow or another fall into my family branches. Charlie's face lit up and I could see the excitement in his eyes.

Before we left, I began creating Charlie's Family Tree. He has come up with the name all on his own. We have entered his parents, his paternal and maternal grandparents. We have also added his great grandparents on his maternal lines and their children. We are taking baby steps for the time being because unlike the training I received when I started - I want to explain the reasons and the whys of building a family tree with accurate information from the ground up. This step is very important and will either make or break genealogy research.

When we added the few people we did to Charlie's tree, the little green leafs started popping up and Charlie took notice. He began asking questions. I explained the answers...reiterating that genealogy is like putting a puzzle together. You start with one piece and you build on it. Vetting information, researching, asking questions and digging for the answers. Some will come easy, while others not so much.

We ended our day with lunch from El Chico's. Glenda and I had their Taco special and Charlie enjoyed a bowl of queso with tortillas and chips. It was cold and the rain was beginning to fall. I took them home.

When I spoke with Glenda this evening, she was telling me that she and Charlie were explaining to his dad, David - the records, the leaves/hints and such...he wanted to know what the hints were and Charlie was so excited to show him the beginnings of his family tree. I walked Glenda through a few things hands-on, so she can start building the tree up for Charlie and they together, can start researching together. I can't wait to see all they come up with the next time we meet to work on Charlie's Genealogy.

I love walking with the ancestors!

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
H2hsc2020

The Circle of Life

2/10/2020

As I sit here pondering all the stories I've learned of my ancestors while doing genealogy the last 20 plus years, I understand more and more how the cycle of life works. People are born, then they die. It's that simple. No matter how we look at it, whether we want to accept it or not - one day, we will take our last breath. 

Many of us never know when our life will expire while others know it is a matter of time because of health matters or some other life situation that came knocking on life's door. 

I've been tossing today's blog around in my head now for a few days...you see, the Circle of Life is lingering in my family. Just like it is for many of you. 

A few weeks ago, our family made the decision to place my mother in Hospice. Over the course of the last week - her health has continued to deteriorate while my youngest daughter will be giving birth to her first child this week. I'd be lying if I said my emotions are not all over the place - it's interesting how death and life affects a human being. There are many reactions, like those of others - while some go left unsaid and unseen. I too am no different than everyone else - I will grieve the loss of my mother and I will take great joy in the birth of my third grandson. If only it was that simple...

There are many things left unsaid that my mother has locked away for most of her life. She recently turned 86 years old. Although she gave birth to me over 56 years ago, I don't know all the ins and outs of her life. Through my genealogy travels, I've asked her on numerous occasions from time to time different questions pertaining to her life, the life of her parents, grandparents, my birth father and questions more specific to me. It saddens me to think that this person who I call mother - in all reality, I really don't know who she truly is. Even though she gave me life, she has lived with and has carried with her for so many years, the memories only she knows. The good, the bad, the anguish and the pain she fell victim too so many years ago continues to remain unspoken today. My mother has carried with her, secrets that are locked away and sadly, they will be forever when she breathes in her last breath.  Many of these memories for my mom, created heartache, pain and anguish, joy and laughter - yet in the end, they still haunt her.  I know this is true because I am the memory of some of this pain and heartache she lives with. Even though the choices were hers, the ramifications that exist today are still very evident. 

Last year I realized I didn't know much about mom's life growing up as a child or even a teenager. I picked up the phone in hopes of learning answers to some of these latter questions. I asked my mom to tell me about her childhood and the family dynamic as a young girl. I wanted to know how her mom (my granny) had the house decorated. I wanted her to elaborate on the kind of work her dad did. I wanted to know if my grandfather was a loving man and a hard worker? I didn't have the opportunity of knowing my grandfather, he died in 1962. I asked mom if he provided for the family and what her parent's relationship was like. Were they loving or did they just tolerate one another? Other questions put on the table to my mom were, did you and your family attend church and did you visit your grandparents and other relatives? I asked mom questions about her siblings and her relationship with them. I wanted her to tell me about a favorite memory of her parents and what her favorite pastime was as a child. I asked her to tell me about her first job and her favorite subject in school. I've asked my mom many questions throughout my time with her. I've received many answers and on the other hand, have had more questions raised. 

I left home Spring break of my Junior year in High School - to escape from the family dynamic of how life was back then. I walked away from a full music scholarship in order to find a sanctuary of peace instead of living in and among tumultuous pain and emotional anguish that was prominent in our home. Unbeknownst to many people in mom and dad's circle - life was not a bed of roses inside of the walls of our house. Things took place that should have never happened. Safety and protection weren't the norms and family values weren't instilled where we were concerned. All these things existed in our lives and they would be forever in our memories to become words unspoken for our own children. There are many memories I have as a child, a teenager, and a young adult that I will probably never share with my own children or grandchildren - they are a constant reminder that I too fell victim to the pain and memories of our past.

As the Circle of Life continues to exist for mankind, let us remember we can forgive, forget, make amends and move forward in our life where the memories no longer haunt us. There may be physical, emotional and mental scars left behind - but they are a reminder of where we have been and where we are today. 

As my mom's physical being continues to make way for the next chapter of life, the memories of my mother will forever be sketched on my heart and in my mind of who she was to me. I'll take the good with the bad and be thankful she gave me life. I'll always wonder what those memories looked like in her heart and in her mind -those unspoken words.  

One chapter will soon come to an end, while another one soon begins...this week, my daughter will experience one of the most beautiful things in life - motherhood. She will begin making her own memories with her child and once in a while, be reminded of her memories of her and I. My hopes and prayers are, she too - doesn't fall victim to the unspoken memories of the heart. 

In closing, I'll leave you with something my mother wrote in 1962 when I was a little girl and she was far away..."The little girl knelt by her bed to say her good night prayers. Her mother heard her say these words while kneeling by her there; "Dear Lord, please send my mommy home, her eyes were misty with tears, she's been away so very long, I wonder if she cares. Does she love me like mommies should and would she buy me toys? Is she like other mommies who have little girls and boys? I wonder if she really knows how much we need her home and how we pray for her each night to not be gone so long. My daddy says, she's kind and good, and loves us very dear; but she must stay away for a few more lonely years. If this is true that she is good and loves us here at home, Dear Lord, why don't you send her back to us where she belongs?"

Mom, I will always love you...yesterday, today and forever! 

~~Heart to Heart Soul Creations

H2hsc2020

Genealogy Organization

2/7/2020

Several days ago, I wrote that I was going to start putting some organization into my genealogy research. Things like photos, records, stories, timelines, etc. I showed a photograph of my filing cabinet where a great deal of my documents and research is currently kept. 

My filing cabinet

Several of my existing binders

After contemplating for several months how I exactly wanted to tackle years and years of research, I finally took the plunge this week. I pulled together several different forms like the Family Group Record, Six Generation Pedigree Charts, and, Record Requests. 

Miscellaneous Forms

Even though I have an extensive family tree built on Ancestry.com - I don't have the above-mentioned items in hard copy forms.  I'm not going to do this step because I feel like it would be reinventing the wheel. However, I did fill out the Six Generation Pedigree Chart for a visual reference. I have many of my family tree grandparent lines built up past the 6th generation point though. I'll share those surnames with you. 

The Great Grandparent lines that are built out eight generations are my Martin, Thompson, Ammons, Griggs lines, and my West lines. The Great Grandparent lines that are built out nine generations are my Huff and Brown lines. The following Great Grandparents lines built out ten generations are a completely different set of Martins on the other side of my maternal lines, Chenault, Rogers lines. My Littlejohn and Hillman lines are built out to eleven generations. The largest generation of ancestors I have built to date is my Gordy lines. This is my mother's paternal line. 

Each set of grandparents is considered a generation. At this time, I have 22,866 people documented in my tree. So, you see, I have been busy over the course of the last fifteen years working on my family legacy. I work on my family tree almost daily working from branch to branch. I don't stay in one area though. I move all around my tree. I have many branches that still need to be expounded on, researched and entered. I suppose it's a fact that my family tree is a work in progress (WIP)! I'm not sure when it will be finished and honestly, as long as people breathe, my tree will continue to grow. 

Now that I have gotten off track with regards to my genealogy organization, I explained all the different grandparent lines to give you an idea of how my binders will be set up. For each set of grandparents, there will be one binder. I'll use my grandparent's binder as an example. The cover will say, GORDY "Descendants of Richard Munroe Gordy and Letha Inez Chenault".  If possible, I will include a family photo on the cover of them together. This will be printed off in greyscale.  Within that binder, they'll be different tabs for the corresponding information I am going to include. For example, their children, marriages, divorces, Baptismal records, family photos, maps of their locations, family stories, Census records, and Military records. I will then break it down even further to have a binder for my grandfather proper and a binder for my grandmother proper. Both binders will segue into their parent's stories. (I know, it sounds a bit cumbersome) - but in the end, my hope is that I have documented my Family's story as well as I can so that generations to come can learn and know their family through my eyes and the eyes of my ancestors. 

For now, I'm off to continue working on my mom's binder. That was the first binder I started as it just seemed the easiest one to begin with. My genealogy organization is going to be a journey just like walking with my ancestors has been. 

I will be able to make my binders as detailed as I want or as little as I want...it's all up to me! Honestly, it all will be driven by how much research I have been able to uncover. 

Until next time...I'm off to 'walk with the ancestors'! 

Heart to Heart Soul Creations

#H2hsc2020

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Art, Crafting, and Genealogy

2/4/2020

I had the most amazing day on Monday working with a young man who homeschools. His mother had approached me several years ago when we met through a Craft Show I was participating in as a paper crafter. She had asked me to consider coming up with lesson plans that could assist homeschoolers in the art and craft area. I told her I'd consider it and then life hit, so it got shuffled to the back burner. 

Fast forward to 2019 - we reconnected, and the conversation came back around to art, crafting, and genealogy. She follows me on FaceBook and sees my journey when I'm walking with my ancestors. After all, I am the family genealogist of the family. I told her I'd consider doing something along these lines. 

A few weeks back, I informed this young man and his mother - I'd be honored to work with him doing art, crafts, and genealogy. I sent an email with a genealogy assignment two weeks ago and informed them that we would start the art/crafting piece around the first part of February. 

My room last year

We set a date and location to meet so we could start the art/crafting journey. Our original plan was to meet up and go to a local establishment, but after carefully thinking about all we were going to do, I thought it best for them to come to my house. 

When we walked into my crafting room - their expressions were 'wow'. This young man's name is Charlie, his reaction was "you have a lot of stuff". That’s a fact - I do indeed even after destashing this last year!!! A paper crafter cannot have too much paper, embellishments and stuff! I fit that category very well. I even think some days, I have too much stuff! LOL

My stamp collection last year

We set the chairs at my desk and I asked them to come with me. I took them to my cabinet that housed the stamps now.

The Armoire the stamps are now housed in

I told Charlie and his mom, Glenda, to look through the top two drawers and choose a few and if they aren't ones I want to hold on to, they could have them. They were so excited! They perused the different stamps. Moving them here and moving them there in order to see all that was in the drawers. 

This is Charlie

They chose a few and I was delighted to pay it forward. 

A few of their choices

When we came back into the crafting room, Charlie showed me his book where he had completed the assignment he had in genealogy. Remember, I am going to work with him in the arts, crafts, and genealogy areas. After showing me his assignment - I reached for a few journals that I had made to create a visual of all he could create with what he is going to learn daily. Art and creativity! What a concept...art, crafting and genealogy. There isn't a reason why they can't work together. After all, that's what my blog is about - Art, Crafting, Life, and Genealogy. 

Today, I was going to show Charlie and Glenda - how to create a glue book using their other daily excursions and journeys to fill the book. I mention Glenda too, because when I showed her some of my personal glue books in order to explain what I was going to work with Charlie on in the beginning- she indicated she would like to make one for herself as well. I was excited to share my talents with them. 

Charlie indicated he would like to turn his genealogy assignment into the glue book he was creating today. I looked over his assignment then asked how he would like to create his glue book. He said, 'I'm was very interested in the 1800's - 1900's vintage era with the western cowboys". Awesome - so we need to do vintage crafting! I love to craft with the vintage feel...little did he know, that was right up my alley! 

My collection now - I told you I had destashed! 

I had him go over to the shelf where the papers were to look for something vintage. I pointed out a few paper pads I thought would give him the feel he wanted to capture. 

I pulled out my distress inks and we began to work on a few pages before we covered the book with his paper choices. I explained the technique of inking and distressing pages as I showed Charlie and his mom how to achieve the effect of distressing a page in my own glue book. 

They both chose ink colors, reached for the daubers and began inking their own pages in their respective glue books. While Charlie was working on his pages, he was telling me how much he liked the 1800's era. I was very excited to hear his interest in these times because it will give learning genealogy much more excitement! 

We finished inking a few of the pages in the book and moved to the covers. They both had chosen some beautiful papers from The Paper Studio line, Kellerkurtz & Company. Vintage papers...

I showed them how to measure out the covers, explaining step by step how to achieve covering their books. Both front and back as well as the insides. 

I grabbed a paintbrush, the mod podge and gave the cut papers to both Charlie and Glenda. 

I brushed the mod podge on the cover near the spine - as we weren't going to cover that with the paper. After brushing the mod podge on, we placed the paper right next to the spine to get it started. Charlie then finished applying the mod podge and placed his paper down onto the cover. 

I explained to him that it's important to measure the paper correctly and when applying it to the cover or something else, be certain to use the proper type of adhesive for the project at hand in order to achieve longevity of the creation.  After all, we don't want our creations falling apart within days, weeks or months after we have made them. By explaining this to Charlie, we achieved two things - ensuring the paper was all lined up properly and making sure there were no air bubbles. 

The start of Charlie's cover (not completed)

The front of the composition book (what we are using for this project) is covered. We are ready to move to the next step of embellishing it. In other words, how do you want it to look? Again, I asked Charlie how he would like to accent his book in order to capture his vision for it. He asked me about the punches he had chosen, and I indicated we could do some layering of a few die cuts if he wanted to do that. He grabbed a few complimentary pieces of scrap papers from another organizer I have and used the die-cut punch to cut out embellishments. I showed him how he could layer them to achieve another look. Charlie was having fun while doing art in class today! He chose a button out of my grannie's button tin to use the center of the layered die cut. There is also a small bow on some pieces of thread to capture a bow that is in the paper. We will complete the cover embellishing next week. 

In the meantime, Glenda was taking note of the different words I was using. Words like techniques, distressing, template, accuracy, measurements, inking, daubers, trimmer, paper pads, and embellishments. She told me these would be used in his spelling lessons. ahhhh, it's funny how learning can navigate so many waters at one time without really putting thought to it. How cool is that!!! 

It was about time to wrap things up for the day, so we began to find a stopping point. Charlie showed me his cover and said, 'he can't wait to work on it again next week'! His mind was going in all kinds of directions talking about how he could make this and achieve that and mentioned, he would like to make a junk journal one day. 

For now, Charlie is going to make a glue book for several different passions he has. Just think, a glue book is just the beginning. We might be opening the mind of the next Bovey Lee, Diana Bertran Herrera, Eiko Ojala, Eric Standley, Helen Musselwhite, Yulia Brodskaya, and more recent - Tim Holtz, as well as others in the WHO’s Who of the Paper Crafting world. 

Smiles, 

~~Heart to Heart Soul Creations

#H2hsc2020