Day 20 - Crafting through Recovery

Day 20, January 20, 2020

Wow, look at that date!!!! I haven't seen the topic for today in the Ultimate Blog challenge, so I thought I'd deviate a little and write about one of my passions. CRAFTING! 

I started scrapbooking many years ago as a little girl clipping different words, statements, and phrases out of newspapers and magazines. I didn't have any fancy papers such as Graphic 45, Basic Grey, Paper Studio, or Authentique to name a few and I sure didn't have any of these tools such as a Cricut Die-cutting machine or a Sizzix Big Kick.  All I had was a simple pair of scissors and Elmer's glue. 

I would clip, clip, clip - tear, tear, tear and shred, shred, shred...I was in heaven. I found peace when I was perusing the newspapers or the magazines for that one word, or that one statement I could turn into a collage or add to a photo that I wanted to scrap. I made folders out of two pieces of regular notebook paper stapled together. Mom and dad lived paycheck to paycheck - so asking for anything such as folders or fancy papers (I'm not even sure the fancy papers existed back in the early '70s) just didn't happen. But I was content. 

Fast forward to 2013 - I had recently relocated to the Austin, TX area for my job. I went first, was going to get settled - then the family was going to join me. My mom was living with us at the time. She had since 2009 after dad passed away. Three months after accepting this new position, I began having excruciating pains in my legs. It didn't matter if I was sitting down, standing up, walking or laying down. This pain felt like someone or something was literally chiseling down the middle of my bones. It was relentless. The only thing that would give me a touch of relief was running a tub of bathwater as hot as I could stand and set down in it for a few moments. Well, as we all know - bath or shower water doesn't stay hot very long so this was just a teaser. I hadn't seen a doctor or gone to the emergency room up to this point, I was just trying to manage the pain with Tylenol or Ibuprofen. (I really don't remember which one, honestly). One weekend, my daughter and her boyfriend drove in from DFW to visit and I was in so much pain while they were there - they wouldn't leave until I went to the ER. So, we did...after several X-rays and blood work, the doctor comes in and says, 'the only course of action we can give you is a band-aid - nothing we give you will touch what's going on. You need to get into a doctor sooner than later'. He wrote out the prescription and sent me on my merry way. The kids returned home. 

A few days later, I was setting in the office of a local Primary Care Doctor. The doctor knocks on the door before she entered the room. She enters the room, addresses me as Mrs. Smith and begins to ask me a few questions. She proceeds with examining me - tapping on my back, feeling my neck and throat area. She has me lay down on the examining table, taps on my chest, abdomen, legs, and feet. She asked me to set up. She steps back and crosses her arms and says, "I suspect you might have Thyroid Cancer". You need to have some tests done as soon as possible. I sat there...quietly. I didn't have a response. She reiterated, 'time is of the essence'.  Now mind you, my insurance hadn't kicked in yet from the new job as there was a 90-day waiting period and I was in about 2 months by now. She wanted me to go in for some specific lab work, have a CT Scan and then we'd go from there. Great, no insurance and she wants me to have these tests done is what was going through my mind. I thanked her and left. 

As I drove to my apartment, I was pondering the conversation I had just had with this doctor. Thinking about what she had stated, 'Thyroid Cancer'. I went through this stoplight and that stop light until I ended up at home. I didn't call my family or any friends - what was I going to tell them? Why get them all upset and concerned when I didn't know myself what on earth was going on? So, I just waited. The pain continued and my regimen continued with the excruciating hot water baths, day in and day out...

A few days later, I went ahead and had the lab work - but the other tests I was going to have to wait until my insurance kicked in. I couldn't swing the thousands of dollars the CT scan was going to cost or the other tests she called for. So again, I waited. Later that very same day, my cell phone rang. It was the doctor's office - is this Mrs. Smith? I said, yes, it is - how may I help you? .... silence.... silence...silence.... hello, how may I help you I asked again. The person on the other end of the call said the doctor needs to see you in the office as soon as possible, can you come in? Sure, I'll be there within the hour. I gathered up my purse and my keys and headed towards the doctor's office. When I arrived, the doctor met me at the door - she took me into her office and looked me straight in my eyes and with a very straight forward tone, says to me - 'you MUST go for a biopsy immediately - the lab work came back and in my initial examination, there were several lumps I didn't mention. Don't delay, get the biopsy scheduled and I'll call you when I have the results. Again, I just sat there...quietly. I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know what to say...here I am by myself in Austin, TX after starting a new job (in the same field as I had worked the last 7 years) but now she is telling me I need to act quickly yet again and now with more urgency! I gathered up my belongings and I left. I still didn't make any phone calls to anyone...I turned up the music and I drove. 

Shortly after I moved to the Austin area, I had acquired a few crafting goodies from a local Facebook group. I had a small table set up in the apartment (as most of my things were still with my family back in DFW). I only brought a few of the necessary items to get me through until they joined me later in the year. I had some fancy papers, some new tools I had not had before such as a heat gun, some fancy tape dispenser gun looking thing, some embellishments, and glue. I crafted. I turned the music up loud and I crafted...clipping, tearing, and shredding. As I sat there, I was pondering the events of the last several weeks in my head. It was like a record playing that had a scratch on it...it was stuck on those exact words of, "Thyroid Cancer" over and over and over...I didn't panic. I didn't freak out. I just crafted. The only thing I could think about was cancer - we lost my mother in law to brain cancer 6 months to the day of her diagnosis. We lost my sister-in-law to cancer to bone cancer within 3 months of her back pain. I've lost close family members to cancer and my mother was diagnosed with double breast cancer the day before dad passed away. Now, here I am...and I crafted. Still, I didn't call anyone. I wasn't about to get them all worked up and worried if it was nothing. After all the doctor said, Thyroid Cancer was easy and of all cancers out there, Thyroid Cancer is the one people want. Not that that comforts me or anyone else, in my mind - cancer is cancer regardless!!!! It's horrific. It's costly and it changes lives. 

I hadn't had my biopsy yet; I was trying to hold out until that 1st day of insurance kicking in... finally! I made an appointment with the hospital.  I went in for the biopsy and the doctor indicated at the end of the procedure, that I would be contacted at the end of the week with the results. I left and headed to Austin State Hospital where I was supposed to have been a trainer at the Conference that was going on. I was fashionably late! LOL, I turned off my cell phone, gathered my belongings and went in. They had bumped my training to later in the day so I wouldn't miss it. The day went on without a hitch...until I got in the car to leave. I literally had twenty missed calls from the doctor's office -THE VERY SAME DAY!!! The day I had my biopsy! NOT at the end of the week as the doctor said at the hospital. At that very moment, I knew...I knew what it was that was causing this excruciating pain in my legs. It was cancer! I returned the call and the Nurse said, "the doctor needs to see you as soon as possible". I told her I was in Austin, it was almost 5:00 pm and it would be close to 6 / 6:30 before I could get back to Georgetown. If any of you have ever been in Austin, TX at 5 p.m. rush hour - you know exactly what I am talking about...it's worse than DFW! She said, 'ok the doctor will wait for you'. I drove...I thought...I picked up the phone and dialed. 

I called my husband and began to explain what was going on- I told him I hadn't said anything yet because I didn't want everyone worrying about me that I was ok. We both agreed once I met with the doctor - to learn what was going on we would put a game plan in place. All I could think about at this very moment was I just wanted to crank the music up loud and craft. It was my way to cope with things. Not my first rodeo with life and it wasn't going to be my last. But I continued driving to Georgetown. Sure enough, 6:45 p.m. I arrived at the doctor's office and she is waiting for me at the locked door. Come in Mrs. Smith to my office. She had my file in her hands. She leaned up against the counter with her arms crossed and says - "it is what I suspected, Thyroid Cancer and we need to move fast', do you have insurance in place now"? I replied yes. She walked over, sat beside me and embraced me...she reassured me that of all the cancers out there, Thyroid Cancer is the easiest one to manage. I sat there quietly...

I drove home, cranked up the music and crafted. Reeling with excruciating pain in my legs, I didn't have any other choice but to move forward with more tests, more doctors, and possibly even surgery. I called my husband and we put our game plan together. We didn't discuss the possibility of me returning to the DFW area. He was going to put things in motion to join me in the Austin area...and I crafted. You might be wondering why I crafted when my world had just come to a screeching halt? It was my way of coping with it. I didn't want to freak out, I didn't want to get emotional. I just wanted to say, 'okay - what's next. What do we need to do and let's get it started! I wanted to move forward with a positive attitude because I know stress can play a huge role when dealing with medical issues such as this. I wanted to keep my headspace clear and free from any negative comments or conversations. 

January 2014, I had surgery...life today for me after Thyroid Cancer has been anything but easy as the doctor explained. I now live with debilitating asthma, COPD (never smoked a day in my life), weak muscles, bone, and tendons as a result of an iron infusion during the Thyroid Cancer treatment. I deal with massive bouts of debilitating low energy days that have many times landed me in the back of an ambulance and a few days stay in a local hospital. I have a lingering cough that has been around since 2013 just before I was diagnosed with T.C. and the list goes on. I had to quit working in 2016 just before I had a very traumatic health issue arise from a simple procedure that left me almost dead and in the hospital on life support for 43 days. Yet, I craft...I craft through my recovery. It was the only thing that would keep my mind off the matter at hand. You see, when I craft - I'm thinking about what fancy papers to use, or what embellishments I want to look for or how is that color going to play off this color.

In my crafting supplies today, I have many of those fancy papers I mentioned in the beginning. I have the die-cutting machines. I have so many different embellishments from brads, to ribbons, to lace, to buttons, etc. I craft...I craft for my happiness. I craft as a means of coping with life situations. I craft for joy. I craft to bless others. I craft to make beautiful creations. Did I say I love to craft? Crafting is not an obsession for me...it is a passion that I love. Crafting lets me escape the ins and outs of life in order to take a breather at times. Crafting lets me be me...

Here are a few photos of my current project I'm crafting...a journal. 

Crafting through Recovery of whatever life throws at me has been a lifesaver from my childhood years and it all started out by clipping out words from a newspaper.

P.S. I still clip, tear and shred! LOL

Have a GREAT day!

Heart to Heart Soul Creations
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