day 19 Color of the Day is Emerald

The Color of the Day is Emerald. It is day 19 in the challenge. Emerald is a shade of dark green. It can be found in many places.

I started writing this post early this morning, oh about 5:30ish- it was still dark outside. Here it is 3:00 p.m. on Friday afternoon. Most of the morning was spent reaching for tissues. Caiden's mother called and asked if I could watch him while she was getting ready for her Wedding Shoot. His dad was running errands. 

He and I played with his new toys that are here at Nonnie's house. Then he laid down for a forty-five-minute nap. Once he woke up, he was hungry and wanted to play some more. We played until dad came to pick him up. 

Caiden is now with his dad. I have supper in the works. We are having Fajitas. The rice is simmering on low and the aroma of the different spices is filling the house. It smells oh so good. Are you hungry yet? I thought so...

Now, it is time to pick up where I left off on my blog...you will understand as you read further. 

Emerald...that is the color of the day. 

In my crafting room, I have a vase that at one time held beautiful flowers. I received them just after I got out of the hospital after a two and a half week visit. I had been diagnosed with RSV after being admitted with a massive Asthma Exacerbation. Once I released, things continued to pop up -until the final diagnosis of COVID 19 was confirmed. 

The vase they were in was Emerald. Are they not pretty? They lasted a long time too! I had thought about drying them, but I have found the yellow and other soft colored roses do not dry like the red ones do. So I didn't. 

I have an Emerald ring. It was a gift from my son many years ago. When I went to retrieve the ring to take this photo, it was not where I thought it was to be. I looked in another Jewelry box and it was not there either. I continued to look through different Jewelry boxes for it and all the while my heart is pounding faster and faster. WHY on earth is my heart pounding like this. In fact, I felt like I was going into a panic attack over 'not' being able to find this ring. I looked and searched. everywhere! Finally, I picked up a small pouch in the last Jewelry box, and there it was...I sighed with a sense of relief. I would have been heartbroken if I had not been able to find this gem from my son.  

I did not realize seeing this ring and thinking about the memory of that special day would stir up so many emotions inside of me. But it did...now I am a blubbering, emotional mess! Thank you, Color of the Day, being Emerald!!! (grabbing for the tissues). It is Emerald and Gold. There was not any reason he gave it to me. Maybe it was love. Maybe it was just because. Do kids give their mom's things just because? I really do not know.  

It is funny how our brain works, and triggers happen in our life over simple things such as a ring. Whatever it was - it triggered my emotions this morning. My mind went to many different places, moments in life, and memories. After I sat for a little bit listening to the Praise and Worship music that was playing in the background, I realized that it was the anniversary this week of something that completely blindsided me this time last year. I suppose my sub-conscience was picking up on things that have been on my mind. I am sure that is what this morning was all about. After all, it is life, right?  

The emotions I feel towards my son are very raw. I miss him very much. Remember I have written about loss from people who are still living and breathing? This is part of that...I do not talk or see my son much these days because of the choices he has made. I suppose it is better to avoid mom than face her...at least that is how I feel. If only people would c o m m u n i c a t e. That is all I ask...just communicate.  

Nonetheless, there is a huge hole in my heart from the heartache of missing him. I miss his voice; I miss his smiles and I miss his big bear hugs. At times I thought he was going to squeeze me so tight that I could not breathe. I miss my son tremendously. People do not understand why I feel the way I feel. Only a mother would understand this heartache. 

Here is a photo of my son, my dad (the man with the tie sitting across the table), and a good friend of the family. Yes, that is me holding my 15-month-old son. He is my firstborn...he is my heartbeat. He IS my son and nothing or anything will ever change that. I pray one day his heart will love again and that he can find forgiveness...healing is what needs to take place on so many different levels. Maybe one day...all I can do is hope and pray. 

Now that I have crawled out of 'that' rabbit hole...let me get back on track. (Maybe though, I needed to have a good cry and to process what I was feeling inside). Who knows...?

Moving on...Emerald, that is the color of the day. I have this color in my crafting things. I have lace, ribbon, buttons, and paper in this color. 

I want to craft something with this Emerald Lace I have. It will probably be a Junk Journal.

This Lace is gorgeous. It will most definitely be incorporated into something I create. What, I do not know yet. I will also use the ribbons shown above as well. Now to find that paper. I think Cream and a hint of Burgandy will be awesome coordinating colors, don't you? 

Emerald is the color. What do you have in this color? 

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