Ultimate Blog Challenge
Throwback Thursday
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| A wall in my apartment many years ago - INSPIRATION |
The photo above was a
wall in my living room when I lived in an apartment back in 2013. I had a friend
paint it for me. "MUSIC is the voice of the soul".
Looking at a wall in my
craft/genealogy room, I am reminded of cherished items that I have received
over the course of the last several years.
When I was diagnosed
with Thyroid Cancer in 2013, my youngest daughter gave me this canvas along
with a figurine representing Thyroid Cancer. Little did we know when she gave
these precious gifts to me, that the cancer was almost Stage 4. Thankfully, I
am in remission today.
Looking at the words depicted in this canvas, I have thought about each one of them many times and how they relate to my life. In the bottom right-hand corner, the word survivor is shown (it wraps around the canvas). I AM DEFINITELY A SURVIVOR. Not only from the Thyroid Cancer but from many other life journeys I have lived through. Abandonment, rape, sexual molestation, PTSD, Narcissistic people, brokenness, and the list could go on and on.
The word, clarity is
shown towards the top of the canvas. At times, this word trips me
up even though I know who I am and what I want in
life. Clarity does not always come easy. After a very traumatic mental
health crisis in 2005 brought on by a family member, I became a Certified Peer
Specialist (CPS) in Texas. I was one of the State Advocates for Mental Health
at the State level in Austin. One of the criteria of becoming a Certified Peer
Specialist was we had to be transparent in our recovery. In other words, we had
to walk, talk, and live as a person in recovery daily - seven days a week. We
had to be an open book. This came extremely easy for me - my mental health was
situational - brought on by traumatic events all the back to my early childhood.
BUT, talking about some of those life experiences did not come easy. I had to
learn how to process them and let them be. Remember my past blogs when I have
said the 'stumbling blocks' in life? Some of these traumatic events were
part of those stumbling blocks.
In 2019, I went through an
exceedingly difficult season in life (which by the way is the prompt
for today). My entire world came crashing down around me out of
nowhere. There were not any signs. There were not any red flags. There sure
wasn't a crystal ball. This season opened things for me that had been dealt
with many years ago. I felt as though I did not have any clarity at all. I
questioned everything I once knew about me as a person. Me as a mother. Me as a
daughter. Me as a wife. Me as a friend. Me in general...
The word nurturing is
shown on the canvas. I was not nurtured as a child. I did not have a book for
dummies to teach me how to nurture my children. I grew up knowing right from
wrong and in that statement, nurturing just happened.
I recall once my mom
telling me I had a heart of ice. In all fairness, this was a protection
mechanism I put in place so I would not be hurt again by those who had caused
so much pain in my past. I would not let people get close to me on any level,
mom included. Today, I am a caring person. I am a loving person not
because it comes easy to me, but because I have had to work at it!
Another word on the
canvas is believe. I believe in people. I trust what is said
to be true. I trust a person until I learn otherwise. I want people to trust
me. I want people to value me. I want people to believe in me. I want people to
accept me for who I am today, NOT who I was yesterday or years ago. Remember
those stumbling blocks? I am NOT the person I was back
then...I did not like myself and neither would you. I believe in transformation
and 2nd chances. Why? Because I am the evidence of both...
The word forgiving is
also on the canvas. This word is huge for me. I learned the
true meaning of this word in the 7th grade. Forgiveness is something I do not
take for granted. The value of this word is like a million dollars to me. I
value it. I believe in it. I honor it. I hold it in high regard. WHY?
Because without forgiveness, people become bitter. People hold animosity.
People become ugly and vile. I have seen firsthand on all accounts. People who
have experienced true forgiveness walk in peace, speak of peace, nurture peace,
and lives in peace not just occasionally, but seven days a week, 365 days a
year. Do not get me wrong...we are all human and we have our downfalls, the
difference is we know how to come back to forgiveness and the
power of it.
I have forgiveness
because of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is by His stripes I live and
breathe today...NOT because of another human being. I can forgive
because I have been forgiven.
The caveat to this is
though...just because a person forgives, does not mean they trust! Trust
is earned. Forgiveness is given.
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| Altered canvas made by a friend |
The framed art says, "She is clothed with strength & dignity. She laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks her words are wise and she gives instruction with kindness".
Throwback Thursday today
speaks volumes to me as I reminisce about the different seasons I was in when
each one of these four things was brought forth in my life.
Today I am very humbled
and gracious because I do believe in people and my
future and they believe in me. That I do have clarity of mind.
That I do nurture and can be nurtured. That I DO know the power
of forgiveness and I can forgive without holding grudges or animosity. That I
AM A SURVIVOR of many levels.
Heart to Heart Soul
Creations
H2hsc2020
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What artistic word maps and reminders. An inspiration to create a few of my own... Thank you!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to go back in time on TBTT and what a wonderful gift that canvas was from your daughter. It describes you to a 'T'
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely a survivor, and I'm glad I met you!
ReplyDelete